The RightAuk Collection

    Dick Short, Etna, California

Flocks

A SPLIT OF RAILS
A BEEP BEEP OF ROADRUNNERS
A CASTLE OF KINGBIRDS
A CROWN OF KINGBIRDS
A HATCH OF BOOBIES
A FIELD OF CORN CRAKES
A HUNT OF KILLDEER
A WOODY OF WOODPECKERS
A PETER OF FINCHES
A HOMING OF PIGEONS
A ZOOM OF SWIFTS
A LAKE OF SWANS
A CARRION OF VULTURES
A HONK OF GEESE
A WISE OF OWLS
A BLASTER OF SANDPIPERS
A RUSH OF GOLDFINCHES
A SCREAMING OF EAGLES
A HATCH OF BOOBIES
A QUOTH OF RAVENS
A SCOPE OF SNIPE
A CHOPPING OF WOODCOCKS
A BIN OF LOONS
A CRAZY OF LOONS
AN INSANITY OF LOONS

 
People birds

Crazy Azza Loon, Oiled Coot, Old Buzzard, Stool Pigeon, Silly Goose

 
Product name birds

NABISCO BALTIMORE ORIOLE COOKIEBIRD
CHIMNEY SWIFT PREMIUM

 
Bird songs

LOON RIVER
I'M LOOKING OVER A FOUR-LEAF PLOVER

 
A Loony Story

There was a man who had very bad habits. His uncle, who dabbled in the occult, named him in his will, but in order to inherit the money he had to give up all of his bad habits within a year after the old man died. Well, the uncle did die and he came into the inheritance, but he had to give up all his bad habits within one year, otherwise he would be enchanted and turned into a loon. So he gave up his bad habits, but after a while he began to think the idea of a curse was ridiculous, so he went back to his bad habits and was enchanted and changed into a loon. And the moral of the story? HEIR TODAY, LOON TOMORROW.

 
Hollywood Birds

BIRD REYNOLDS
LORETTA SWIFT
DANNY PLOVER
MIA SPARROW
BIRD LANCASTER
WESLEY SNIPE
HUMPHREY BIRDGART
SOPHIA LA WREN
LARK GABLE
JOHN CRANE
GEORGE SEAGULL
SWAN ADAMS
WALTER PIGEON
PETER FALKON
DR. KILLDEER
HOGAN'S HERONS
THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY
AS-THE-WORLD TERNS
STARLING TREK
STARLING TREK: THE NESTING GENERATION

 
Bird Photography

TWO MEN WERE PHOTGRAPHING BIRDS. ONE ASKED THE OTHER, WHAT KIND OF BIRDS HAVE YOU PHOTOGRAPHED? OH, A PAINTED BUNTING AND A SUMMER TANAGER. AND WHAT KIND OF FILM DO YOU USE? BLACK AND WHITE FILM. THE OTHER SAID, YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU TOOK PHOTOS OF TWO BEAUTIFUL BIRDS USING BLACK AND WHITE FILM? WHAT DO YOU PHOTOGRAPH WITH YOUR COLOR FILM? OH, HE SAID, JUST PENGUINS.

 
Questions & Answers

Q. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS SYLVESTER STALONE WITH A SPARROW?
A. RAMBIRD

Q. WHY CAN'T THE CHICKENS BE TRUSTED?
A. BECAUSE THEY'RE UP TO FOWL PLAY.

Q. What bird is always angry?
A. THE CROSS BILL

Q. What bird is always complaining?
A. THE GROUSE

Q. Where does a 200-lb bird land?
A. HOW ABOUT A WHOLE RUNWAY AT O'HARE AIRPORT

Q. Why did the penguin cross the road?
A. IT WAS TOO COLD FOR THE CHICKEN.

Q. WHAT DO YOU CALL A DOMINEERING CHICKEN?
A. ATTILA THE HEN

Q. WHAT DOES A 200-LB PARROT SAY?
A. HERE KITTY,KITTY,KITTY.

Q. WHAT'S A BIRD'S FAVORITE SCI FI TV SERIES?
A. STARLING TREK: THE NESTING GENERATION

Q. WHO WAS THE YOUNG BIRD WHO STUDIED HARD AND WANTED TO BE A JEDI KNIGHT?
A. LUKE SKYLARK

Q. WHO DOSE HE HAVE TO BATTLE?
A. DARTH VULTURE

Q. WHAT DOES A TURKEY DO WHEN HE EATS?
A. HE GOES, GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE.

Q. WHAT WATER BIRD WEARS A MASK, RIDES A HORSE, AND CARRIES SILVER BULLETS?
A. THE LOON RANGER

Q. WHAT DID THE ORNITHOLOGIST DO WHEN HE COULDN'T MAKE IT TO THE AUDUBON MEETING?
A. HE SENT HIS EGRETS

Q. WHAT BIRD BECAME FAMOUS FOR JUMPING MOTORCYCLES OVER THINGS?
A. EAGLE KNIEVEL

Q. WHAT WAS THE NAME OF THE FAMOUS BIRD DOCTOR THAT WAS ON TV?
A. DR. KILLDEER

Q. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A 200-LB PARROT?
A. HERE'S YOUR CRACKERS, SIR, AND WHAT ELSE CAN I GET YOU?

Q. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS TWEETY PIE WITH THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER?
A. A SCARY CANARY

Q. WHAT BIRDS USED TO PLAY BASEBALL?
A. TUG MACAW AND DEION SANDERLING

Q. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A CROW AND A ROOSTER?
A. A ROOSTER CAN CROW BUT A CROW CAN'T ROOSTER.

Q. WHAT'S A BIRD'S FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
A. TWEETIES

Q. WHAT'S THE TV SHOW WHERE YOUNG PIGEONS FIGHT CRIME?
A. THE MOD SQWAB

Q. WHERE DOE THE 200-LB KILLERDEER SLEEP?
A. WHEREVER HE WANTS TO.

Q. WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A PARROT AND A GORILLA?
A. I DON'T KNOW, BUT IF IT WANTS A CRACKER, YOU BETTER HAVE ONE.

Q. How do birds dance?
A. Beak to beak.

Q. What is a chicken's favorite sci fi movie?
A. Alihen.

Q. Why did the hawk cross the road?
A. He was after the chicken.

 
Questions, no answers

Q. HAS A KILLDEER ever KILLED A DEER?

Q. HAS A BARN SWALLOW EVER SWALLOWED A BARN?

Q. IF A KIWI WORE SHOES, WOULD HE USE KIWI SHOE POLISH?

 
Bird tales

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MAN WHO WAS TURNED INTO A QUAIL? HE MET A WITCH WHO SAID I'M GOING TO CAST A SPELL ON YOU, AND HE SAID, ALL RIGHT, I'M GAME.

THERE WAS A TYRANICAL TURKEY WHO RULED THE OTHER GAMEBIRDS WITH AN IRON WING. HE TAXED THEM FOR EVERYTHING AND HE MADE THEM WORK 24/7. ONE DAY SOME OF THE GAMEBIRDS HELD A REVOLUTION. SUDDENLY THE KING'S ADVISOR CAME RUNNING IN AND SAID, I'M AFRAID TO TELL YOU, SIR, BUT THE PHEASANTS ARE REVOLTING.

TWO VULTURES WERE EATING A ROADKILL RACOON WHEN ONE SAID TO THE OTHER, I DON'T MEAN TO COMPLAIN, BUT THIS TASTES KIND OF FLAT.

 
A bad day

You know your having a bad day when the bluebird of happiness arrives at your window and he is only asking directions.

 
Birds of prey

I saw a calendar last year that showed one picture called BIRDS OF PRAY. It showed a group of birds in a tree saying GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY WORM.

 
Books written by birds

HOW TO CATCH WORMS by EARL E. BIRD
THE LIFE OF THE ANCIENT MARINER by AL B. TROSS
FOLLOW THE FISHING BOATS by C. GULL
SHINY COLLECTIBLES by JACK DAW

 
A bowl of soup

A Great Creasted Flycatcher walks into a restaurant and sits at a table. The waitress asks, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE, SIR? The bird says, I'LL HAVE A BOWL OF SOUP. The waitress brings him his soup. After the bird finishes his soup, he says, THE SOUP WAS GREAT BUT DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS A FLY IN IT? The waitress says, SORRY, SIR, WHAT SHALL WE DO FOR YOU? The bird says, BRING ME ANOTHER BOWL OF SOUP BUT PUT IN MORE FLIES.

 
Slow bird

A pigeon was waiting for his friend. He waited and waited until FINALLY his friend showed up. He said, "What kept you? I've been waiting for hours." The other pigeon said, "Oh, it's such a nice day, I thought, 'Aw, what the heck, I think I'll walk.'"