Eat Me
Archermonkey Restaurant Reviews

Our Theory
Welcome to Eat Me, restaurant reviews from Archermonkey. We will be reviewing mostly ethnic eateries here in Chicago and the other cities (and/or countries) where our contributing monkeys reside. Just in case you have not guessed we will not be reviewing any "fancy" restaurants. We here at Archermonkey have a different theory about ethnic eateries. Our theory is that the ethnic eaeteries with the most messed up names will have the best food. This is based on the realization that native residents of a country -- hence recent immigrants -- will have the best idea of how to cook the most authentic food. Now assuming these recent immigrants do not have as fine a grasp of the English language, we can postulate that any restaurant that the above said immigrant opens will have a name that deviates from a regular restaurant's name. I first noticed this fact at "#1 Taste" In Baltimore, Maryland... it is indeed some of the finest chinese food in the city, but its name is to say the least... irregular. An example of our theory is to guess that "#1 Taste" would have better food than "Bob's China Garden". My hope to all is that we do not get labeled as racists (though that may raise the number of hits to Archermonkey) -- that is not our intention -- we only hope to find the best restaurants. Most of the restaurants we review will be "dives" but hey isn't that where the best food comes from?

We will be rating each restaurant prior to eating at each establishment solely on its name. This will enable us to evaluate the validity of our theory in each instance. We will also rate each establishment on various factors to help our audience get the "feel" of each place. We hope to have at least two reviewers at each location.

Tacqueria Mr. Salsa
1026 W Montrose Ave, Chicago, IL 60613
Date reviewed: February 18, 2001. Authors: MJD, MMD

Rating based on name (out of 10 bananas):MJ.D.7 bananas/MM.D.--8 bananas
Post-Dining: 7.5 cumulative

Total bill For 2 people: $7.88

Our next review: "Plenty" -- It's got to be Good Chinese food!
2002 W Montrose Ave, Chicago, IL 60618
Date reviewed: February 22, 2001. Authors: MJD, MMD

Rating based on name (out of 10 bananas):MJ.D.8 bananas/MM.D.--8.5 bananas
Post-Dining: 3.25 cumulative

Total bill For 2 people: $18.60

Charming Wok
4801 N. Broadway St., Chicago, IL 60640
Date reviewed: September 21, 2001. Author: MJD2(AC)
(Editor's note: This restaurant was not initially considered as the name of the restaurant barely qualifies for the theory, but given the excellent review that was written, we can hardly not publish it. Please excuse the gaps in the review... they will be remedied after a short beating of the author)

Rating based on name (out of 10 bananas):MJD 6 bananas/MJD2B--7 bananas /MJD2(AC)--7 bananas
Post-Dining: 6.916 cumulative

Total bill For 3 people: $27.59

As you may have noticed, there hasn't been any recent restaurant reviews here at Archermonkey. That is for four reasons really: 1) We're really lazy. 2) We keep eating at Tacqueria Mr. Salsa. 3)Really not that many restaurant have any promise according to the criteria. 4)Recently some of the Archermonkey Staff has moved around.... now it's harder than ever to get together for dinner.

Hope is not lost, future possible reviews include "Spoon" in Chicago, and "I Love Mr. Sushi" in St. Louis. We haven't made it yet though.

If you have a restaurant in the Metro Detroit or Chicagoland areas worthy of examination by our Archermonkey staff, please email with your suggestions. We might even invite you to lunch... your treat.
(Poor suggestions that fail to meet the basic requirements of our theory shall result in public ridicule.)

DISCLAIMER: Archermonkey, its affiliates, employees and staff hereby disclaim, to the maximum extent permitted by law, liability for any direct, indirect, incidental, special, consequential, exemplary, reliance and punitive damages arising out of or in connection with, or related to, this review, use of this review, and any dining experiences as a result of this review, regardless of the theory of claim, and even if Archermonkey or any other person has been advised of the possibility of such damages.


Web Page created 18 February 2001
Last Modified 29 September 2001