TO: Team Owners

FROM: Statistician Man

DATE: 12/22/99

With apologies to the Brady Kids, this is the theme song for the week. You might think that Bruce might be singing this song given his bold prediction for a 1500 point week. Alas, he only scored 947. Well, maybe it is Cesar with his season high 422 point performance from Marcus Robinson. Nah, he only scored 1,037 this week - enough to take over 5^th place and shove Chris into the LE (where he belongs, some might add). Well, it's gotta be KEVIN. After all, Moss was BIG TIME as was Beuerlein. And of course he has Edgerrin James, too. Nope. He only scored a mere 1163. No, the dancin' man - the gene, gene the dancin' machine of the EFL - the man doin' the swoop de la swoop with the Fat Lady (Oprah Winfrey) is none other than defending EFL champion, Guido, who scored a mighty, door slammin', season high 1327 this week, moving the other UE owners into the also ran pile. Yep, Kevin has a slim chance. But it would take a benching of Guido's key operatives and a complete nosedive of his reserves. Let's analyze this possibility.

QB: Manning has an off week in week 16, scoring a mere 240 and is benched in week 17 to save him for the playoffs. Guido plays Brad Johnson, who is still competing for a playoff spot. Johnson throws for 290 yards and 3 TDs in week 17. Advantage - Guido.

RB1: Watters has a bad week for Seattle (45 yards, no TD) as they fall behind the Chiefs and follows that up with a rough outing (53 yards, no TD) as the Seahawks again fall behind early in week 17. Advantage - Katatonics

RB2: Charlie Garner has nothing but a starting job next year to play for. What he fails to get in rushing yards, he makes up for in dump-off passes. He scores 90 and 140 in the 2 weeks. Advantage - Guido.

WR1: Jimmy Smith plays and has and mediocre score in week 16 - 123 points. He sits the following week as Jacksonville has wrapped up home field advantage throughout. Guido plays Derrick Mayes, who is playing for Seattle, and, if you remember, they fell behind early in both games (see Watters above) and so he gets a reasonable amount of points each week (110, 95). Advantage - Push.

WR2: Muhammed is the main squeeze in Carolina. Beuerlein is Kevin's QB. Kevin either has to root for Beuerlein not to throw and play Brunell (who is sitting - see Smith above) or root for Muhammed to get hurt. He does the latter, but, as usual, this ploy fails and he plays. Muhammed racks up 180 and 250 points in the last two weeks. Advantage - Guido.

Kicker: Del Greco does not miss when he is on Guido's team. I've learned that many times in past years. Advantage - Guido.

P.S. Let's see how Bruce did with his prediction last week:

Namesake let him down, big time.