London. Had enough of the 20th century? Does this fast-paced technological world have you wishing you could pause, rewind a little, and live a bit simpler life? Well, believe it or not, you might just have that option. Scientists in London have verified that they have discovered a portal that will enable people to teleport themselves back in time -- specifically, to the 18th century.

While dining at the famous original Hard Rock Cafe in London on May 3, 2002, waste management specialist Jack Funk explained how one minute he was wandering through the restaurant in search of the men's restroom and the next minute he was sitting on a table, gnawing on a large roast leg of turkey. This came to the surprise of both Funk and the 18th century family enjoying their meal at the time.

Funk soon realized that he had stepped inside a time travel portal able to instantaneously teleport its users back to the year 1724, inexplicably the only year accessible through this gateway. Funk spent four days in the year 1724 until he eventually stumbled across a return portal in a barn in the same town. Upon his return, Funk immediately sought out authorities to report his remarkable finding. Scientists closed the Cafe for further investigation and thoroughly questioned and examined Funk. After two full years of research, tests, modifications, and trials on this breakthrough, Scientist Jeffrey James has confirmed that authorities will begin allowing certain qualifying individuals the opportunity to travel back into the year 1724, although in these cases the traveler will not have the option of returning. Specific details, rules, and regulations are expected to be released later this week by the UN.