What have I done?  That was not my plan at all.  It's not that I
do not like Claudio (I obviously do), but I had other plans.  I was going
to try to sneak away and find Corwin.  I think that neither I nor anyone I
know would respect me if I did that to Claudio.  Besides, I do not wish to
alienate him like that.  I would miss his friendship if he were to get
upset with me.

	I guess I just got tired of feeling so isolated.  I wish I would
have thought things through!!!  I never expected that, and of course it
was me entertaining one of Laughter's crazy schemes.  The thing is, it
appears that Grandfather had a hand in this nasty plot, too.

	Now I have to decide what to do with this relationship with
Claudio that came from out of nowhere, and I have to hope Father does not
find out.  That would just make an uncomfortable situation worse.

	I have no idea what caused me to be so comfortable in that
situation, when I had never considered Claudio as a mate and I had never
had any experience in that sort of thing.  What was I thinking?!  How in
Amber did I allow such a thing to occur?  How did I go from frustration at
Claudio to a bath tub to Claudio in my bed????  This is not me.  I do not
do things like this.  I had never thought Claudio even wanted me, much
less that I wanted him.  Now he plans to pledge his fidelity to me!  Not
that a relationship with him wouldn't have its rewards, but I have a
feeling he would be even more serious in his guardian functions.  I would
never tolerate the kind of overprotectiveness that Grandfather imposes on
Laughter.  It may work for them, but I will not tolerate it.

	What do I do now?  I told Claudio that we should wait things out
and see what happens.  I am not ready for marriage!!  How did I manage to
blindly walk into this situation?