Game quotes from "Balance of Power"

Cast of Characters

Lisamarie Babik:Hypatia (hye-PAY-shah), Warrior Princess
Kris Fazzari:Artemisia (ahr-te-MEEZ-ee-uh), one of Artemis' nymphs
Sean Frost:Kallias (KAH-lee-us), Prince of Athens
Andrew Prill:Fa Mei (fah-MAY)/Fa Yu (fah-YOO), formerly enslaved Chinese noble
George Rabick:Iphis (IF-is), Greek cowherd
John Schleick:Aristokles (ah-RIS-toe-kleez), Greek actor/strong man
Kristen Schleick:Krysanthe (krih-SAN-thee), former Oracle of Delphi
Wendi Strang-Frost:GM


Session 1: "Pirates and Pythons and Nymphs, Oh My!" (June 4, 2005)

"I couldn't leave two maidens unprotected like this." -- Iphis to the group
"So you toss them two condoms and ride on?" -- Sean

"Am I clad?" -- Fa Mei to GM, waking up after being shot several times
"In chains!" -- Kris and Sean, in unison

"This is like Mesopotamian Baywatch." -- Andy to the group, as Iphis watches the nymphs ride away

"I know I'm destined to do something. Those somethings are usually terrible events." -- Aristokles to Krysanthe

"(My parents) sold me to that man as his wife." -- Krysanthe
"But you can't cook!" -- Aristokles

"Were they good parents or bad parents?" -- Aristokles to Krysanthe
"(They) sold her!" -- Andy

"I know a little bit about your destiny, and it's not a very good one." -- Krysanthe
"When you say not a very good one, do you mean something horrific, or do you mean I'll be stuck making shoes?" -- Aristokles

"What's your goal (for next session)?" -- GM
"I don't want to smell like piss." -- Fa Yu

Session 2: "Pirates and Pythons and Nymphs, Oh My! (Part 2)" (July 2, 2005)

"Where are you heading?" -- Kallias to soldier
"They name a place you've never heard of." -- GM
"I nod like that means something to me." -- Kallias

"That's why I'm following the smart one." -- Kallias
"Notice I'm not out there." -- Hypatia
"Clearly she's the smart one." -- Kris

"Artemis is the goddess of the hunt and the moon." -- Apollo to Fa Yu
"And hate." -- Lisamarie
"So really, she's the goddess of PMS." -- Sean

"Athens? I thought we were in Greece." -- Fa Yu
"Greece is a city in Athens." -- Artemisia

"I've never been in battle before." -- Kallias to the group, as the battle rages
"Oh my God, I'm so glad I don't know that." -- Hypatia

"I'm going to wet myself viciously in (the enemy's) direction." -- Kallias to GM

"So if we happen to come across a dryad or a naiad or a...satyr, we can ask directions to the nearest god?" -- Krysanthe to Aristokles

"(Hypatia) is a woman of little patience." -- Kris
"I am Hypatia, not Hypatience." -- Lisamarie

Session 3: "Things That Go Bump in the Night" (September 3, 2005)

"I was on drugs when I made the character up. I have no idea what I'm doing." -- Lisamarie to the group

"I feel like getting my ass kicked." -- Hypatia to GM, several times

"I got in one blow and was knocked unconscious. It was a great battle!" -- Kallias to the group

"All this, and me without my scabs." -- Fa Yu to the group, after being sold to a very attractive new master

"Everything's going according to (your) plan." -- GM
"Something's terribly wrong here." -- Hypatia

"...then your torch blows out." -- GM to Kallias, who's in the midst of a deep, dark, spooky tunnel
"Archimedes?" -- Kallias
"Yes sir?" -- Archimedes
"I'm putting my right hand back. Please...clasp it...." -- Kallias

"Oooh, if that had rolled a little differently...." -- Kris to the group, after failing to hit anything...again

"Dang it, I should have gotten powers that were useful." -- Kris to the group

"God, (Artemisia's) a nymph so shallow you could skip stones across (her)." -- Andy to Kris

Session 4: "To Hades in a Handbasket, Part 1" (October 1, 2005)

"You see a fire pit." -- GM
"I take a look at it." -- Kallias
"There doesn't seem to be a bottom." -- GM
"Then it isn't really a fire pit, is it, since you can't build a fire in it." -- Kallias

"How come you two get a romantic adventure, and I get fucking Diablo?" -- Sean to John and Kristen

"When the chips are down, at least Archimedes knows his place - between me and the danger." -- Kallias to the group

"I try not to stare at the centaur too hard." -- Krysanthe to GM
"It's hard not to, he's hung like a horse." -- Lisamarie

"So you're trying to put out the Balrog?" -- Lisamarie to Sean, after Kallias asks for some buckets of water

"(Iphis) is a cow-herder, not a squirrel-herder." -- GM to Hypatia
"Squirrel herding is harder than cow herding." -- Iphis

"(Hypatia) holds the cheese knife in such a way that indicates she knows how to handle weapons." -- Lisamarie to GM

"I was bound, gagged and tied to a horse when the orcs came. It sucked!" -- Sean to the group, reminiscing about a different game

Session 5: "To Hades in a Handbasket, Part 2" (November 5, 2005)

"You mean the reason you came running screaming out of the passageway?" -- innkeeper
"I made a hasty retreat, yes...." -- Kallias

"So I have at least two weeks to deal with living over a portal to Hades...rotting corpses and the innkeeper's daughter." *pause* "I'll be back in two weeks." -- Kallias to GM

"But you have no temple to Athena." -- Kallias, trying to explain why he is running away leaving
"Build one! You're a priest!" -- innkeeper

"You can't stop me." -- Kallias
"I have strapping lads, I will stop you." -- innkeeper

"Why did they lock you in here?" -- Archimedes
"I told them I was leaving." -- Kallias
"Well, that was stupid. You should have just left." -- Archimedes

"We'd both fall like stones." -- Archimedes, contemplating escaping out the window
"Fit and trim stones." -- Kallias
"At least you'd land on the bottom." -- Archimedes

"So generally, about six months after you sleep with (men), they wind up dead." -- GM
"It's my subconscious fear of commitment." -- Hypatia

"On the upside, my enemy's army's been decimated." -- Hypatia to the group, after fighting and then fleeing a creature of Hades

"So what brought you here?" -- Artemisia
"Trade...and pirates." -- Fa Yu

Session 6: "Loose Ends" (December 3, 2005)

"How are you handling Apollo?" -- GM to Krysanthe
"As much as possible." -- Andy
"With both hands." -- Sean

"It's the drama queen and the god of drama. I am dramalicious at the moment." -- Krysanthe to the group

"The villain dies at the beginning (of the play)?" -- Sean
"Yes." -- John
"Where's the tension?" -- Sean

"Are you going to let Apollo take a bath?" -- GM
"Yeah." -- Krysanthe
"He's so grateful." -- GM
"Are you going to join him?" -- Andy

"Adding incest to injury." -- Andy to the group, as Iphis comforts his sister
"He wants to help her, but he can't bring it up." -- George

"This is so horribly undignified, but I want to live." -- Fa Yu to the group, as he's carried piggy-back over Kallisto's shoulder

"(Theron) comes from a sturdy pool of genetics. Knocking him out is not as easy as one might think." -- Hypatia to Diokles
"So she's tried." -- Andy

"So, you really haven't seen much of Greece yet." -- Hypatia
"Not really, no." -- Diokles
"So maybe letting you pick the direction wasn't such a good idea." -- Hypatia

"I'm so glad I'm only facing a demonic serial killer." -- Kallias to the group
"As opposed to your brother?" -- Kristen

"(Laertes) is one of those men who did not want to know his future." -- GM to the group
"It involves wrinkles." -- Andy
"Ah, crow's feet!" -- Kris
"Plastic surgery does not exist in ancient Greece." -- GM

"Oh Jesus!" -- Andy
"He's not around yet to save you." -- George
"Where's your Messiah now?" -- Sean

"Fucking Hera!" -- Kallisto, pregnant by Zeus
"I don't think it was fucking Hera that got you into this." -- Andy

Session 7: "Journeys" (January 7, 2006)

"This isn't quite how it went in your dream, but close." -- Andy to George, as Iphis sits on a nymph while his sister, now a pig, bites her

"Everyone said 'hurt me hard' except for Kris." -- GM
"That's why (Artemisia) got whiskers (when she was passed out) instead of raped." -- Andy to Kris

"Are there any Aristokles-sized holes in the wall?" -- Fa Yu to GM

"Artemis smiles every time a man gets punched (in the balls)." -- GM to the group

"Does (Krysanthe) have a forked tongue when she talks?" -- Artemisia, after seeing Krysanthe's slit eyes and fangs
"No. Not yet." -- GM

"So which Amberite liked to hang out in the back woods of Canada?" -- Lisamarie
"Julian." -- Kristen

"Just remember, neigh means neigh." -- Andy to George

"I have a crazy demon-woman belted to my back. My mother warned me there'd be days like this." -- Fa Yu to the group

"(George and I are) going to get to have a whole campaign based around us, because the rest of you will be dead." -- Lisamarie to the group

"Did you see my servant? Was he OK?" -- Lisamarie, speaking for the Queen of Athens, after she learns her son is in danger

"Do I know any way to defend against magical stuff?" -- Kallias
"Well, when the wizard is casting his spells, it's really good if you can stop him from doing it." -- GM

"So you are going to wear the wheel of cheese." -- GM to Kallias

"You can stay here if you like." -- Queen of Athens to Krysanthe
"And the horse you road in on." -- Sean, referring to Pinter, the centaur

Session 8: "Village of the Damned" (March 4, 2006)

"We, who are about to be attacked by zombie hordes, salute thee." -- Sean to the group

"How are you sleeping?" -- GM to Kallias and Iphis
"Heavy. Like the dead." -- Kristen

"(Hypatia's) going to save your ass later on." -- Kris
"She had better." -- Sean
"What are you going to do if she doesn't? Kill her?" -- Kris
"Haunt her." -- Sean

"Thank God I'm having sex." -- Hypatia
"This is in the morning." -- GM
"You think I only did it once? He's probably going to die today." -- Hypatia

"I was bitten by a zombie. That cannot be good at all." -- Kallias to the group

"I'm so dead." -- Kallias
"No, you're so undead." -- Iphis

"Only the food of Hades has that power." -- Mephistopheles to Krysanthe
"Did Hades cater this?" -- Lisamarie

"Oh man, you're so hosed." -- Sean
"Says the man who just got bitten by a zombie." -- Kristen

"How could they bite you? You're a priest!" -- Agatha, the barmaid
"Yes, well, I tried explaining that to them." -- Kallias

"We need a priest!" -- Kallias
"But you're the closest thing to one we have." -- Agatha
"Find another one!" -- Kallias

"How did the not-alive man bite (Kallias)?" -- Hypatia
"He's an idiot?" -- Iphis

"Not a good idea to threaten the wood." -- Iphis, after a dryad turns Hypatia into a pig
"Not a good idea to turn a warlord into a pig." -- Hypatia
"Former warlord, right?" -- Iphis

"(As a vampire, Mephistopheles) gives whole new meaning to the phrase 'raise an army.'" -- Sean to the group

"Dear Hades. Get off your ass and do something about the dead people. Thank you. Hypatia." -- Lisamarie to the group

"My god is now housed in (Mephistopheles)." -- Krysanthe to the group
"Is that a pro or a con?" -- Kris
"Both." -- Kristen

"And (Mephistophiles is) the kind of man who would then cuddle with you the rest of the night." -- GM to Krysanthe
"Gay." -- Lisamarie

"What sense do I have? Clearly not any, or I wouldn't be in this situation." -- Artemisia to the group

"(Mephistophiles is) a great and powerful sorcerer, dead these past five years." -- Priest of Athena to Krysanthe
"You're a necrophiliac." -- Lisamarie
"You fucked the dead. You're spooky." -- Sean

Session 10: "A New Beginning" (July 1, 2006)

"Has (Kallias) dumped her yet?" -- Andy
"Hypatia? (Kallias) tries not to breathe near Hypatia." -- Sean

"You're not taking anything from the boat with you?" -- GM to Aristokles
"I'm taking arrows! I'm bristly with hidden knives!" -- Fa Yu

"You do all the heroic stuff, while I just make things worse." -- Fa Yu to Aristokles, after accidentally blowing Kallias into Mephistopheles

"(Krysanthe is) like Best Western for gods." -- Fa Yu to Aristokles, after Mephistopheles' spirit flees into Krysanthe

"We need to make (Krysanthe) a spiritual IUD." -- Andy to Kristen

"Speechless for Aristokles is when he's quiet for five seconds." -- Kris to the group

"(Pinder the centaur) should have no problem with (the festival of Aphrodite). After all, he's hung like a horse." -- Kristen to the group

Session 14: "?" (December 2, 2006)

"What are you shouting at the (men you're pursuing)?" -- GM to Aristokles
"Your mama wears combat sandals?" -- Sean

"Fa Yu can (set off the volcano). He's good at that." -- GM to the group
"Blowing hot air." -- Sean

"We don't have any narcissus here (to summon Hades with)." -- Aristokles
"We have an actor, that's pretty close to narcissism." -- Iphis

Session 15: "?" (January 6, 2007)

"And they call me the great wind." -- Fa Yu to the group, after Aristokles goes on forever telling stories

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