Game quotes from "Gillian the Vampire Slayer"

Cast of Characters

Carla Arnoldi:Gillian Black, Vampire Slayer
James Arnoldi:GM
Kris Fazzari:Jessica Pierce, demon symbiote host
Patrick Franklin:Gavin Black, Gillian's twin brother
Matthew Richardson:Amy Nguyen, witch
John Schleick:Nigel Harker, Watcher
Jarrod Van Kirk:Andrew Harris, witch
Mark Wizynajtys:George Carver, hacker


Episode 1.1: "What Fresh Hell?" (October 10, 2003)

"Can I get back to you in a few minutes? Because we're about to play (Jessica's) death scene and it's really important." -- GM to John
"What?!?" -- Kris

"Gillian probably won't get killed, but as soon as all of her little friends start dying, then maybe she'll listen to me." -- Nigel to GM

"How many horns (did the demon have)? Two, four or six?" -- Nigel
"Two." -- George and Andrew
"Curved forward or back?" -- Nigel
"Forward." -- George
"Back." -- Andrew

"You're Giles! I should have known when I saw the tweed!" -- Andrew to Nigel

"What do I need to do to kill it?" -- Gillian
"Beat it." -- Nigel, the ever-helpful

"No, he's human, I'm not going to kill him. That would be wrong." -- Gillian to the group

"(Andrew) faced the First." -- Matthew
"Actually, (Andrew) was the First's bitch." -- Jarrod

"I swing my ax (at the thing). I try not to hit my foot." -- Andrew to GM

"I'm going to go to hell, aren't I?" -- Jessica
"Depends on which one. There are a number of hells." -- Nigel, failing to reassure

"Can you watch (George) for a bit? I need to get rid of a demon body." -- Andrew to Jessica

Episode 1.2: "That's Entertainment!" (October 18, 2003)

"Remind me to change roommates." -- George, waking up the morning after being poisoned during a demon attack
"I don't think it's so much your roommate. You just need to learn how to dodge." -- Nigel

"I'll go back to my room and read (Gillian's) Slayer's Handbook. Because apparently this is something important." -- Amy
"Oh good. At least someone will have read it." -- ?
"Then she can tell me what it says!" -- Gillian, excited

"This could have happened to any other college student!" -- Gillian, after Andrew summons a Djinn with a magic remote and hijinks ensue
"Any other college student wouldn't have been buying a magic remote." -- Amy

"That book is a load of crap!" -- Gillian to Amy, regarding the Slayer Handbook

Episode 1.4: "Painful Lesson" (December 20, 2003)

"Is it a real TA or is it a demon?" -- Amy to GM, after realizing that Harker isn't teaching his class

"Maybe I could date someone for real." -- Gillian
"I don't know, have you been to any parties recently?" -- Amy
"Where you haven't killed anyone?" -- John

"The last party I went to turned into frat boys summoning demons in their basement." -- Gillian
"They all turn into that." -- Nigel

"Oh yeah, I'd be useful in a fight. 'Hold on, I can tell you the history of that sword. Wait, I can divine that you're going to get your ass kicked.'" -- Amy to the group

"Oh, I'm going to be undead before the night's over." -- Amy, upon hearing that they'll be facing eight vampires

"You feel like you're draining his essence." -- GM
"I find this kind of oogy." -- Jessica
"On the other hand, you're straddling a large demon. Ooginess abounds." -- Matthew

"So do we wait in the sitting room or sit in the waiting room?" -- John to the group

"And apparently one of Jessica's demon powers is whining." -- Amy to the group

"Gillian, (Dorian) kind of saved your life. A thank-you note would at least be appropriate." -- Amy to Gillian

"So do I have to send all of you thank-you notes?" -- Gillian to the Scoobies
"No, we live with you." -- Amy
"I don't live with you, I want a thank-you note." -- Andrew

Episode 1.5: "It's Your Party" (January 17, 2004)

"I don't think I want to know how I die." -- Gillian to the group

"Everything is freaky weird in Ann Arbor, now that Gillian is here." -- Amy to the group

"It's a horatham (demon)." -- Andrew
"A whore?" -- Gillian
"No, a horatham. It's like a whole bunch of whores." -- Andrew
"Competing. For charity." -- Amy

"I wonder if there's magic that can put hair on your back?" -- Amy
"I wonder if there's magic that can put hair on your chest?" -- Andrew
"At least one of us should have some." -- Amy

"The demon's name is Garfield." -- GM to Nigel
"That's a big orange cat, not a big orange demon." -- Matthew

"Bring sledgehammer, crowbars, Gillian...." -- Nigel to himself, making a list of what to bring back to the abandoned Initiative base

"When you go into the bathroom, the symbiote starts moving around like it did when the vataran demon was nearby." -- GM
"I pee quickly." -- Jessica

"So, like, is this where you're going to hate me forever? Just because I electrocuted you, kicked you in the head, and kicked you in the ribs?" -- Amy to Gillian

"I'm not going to be in the mood for my birthday party." -- Gillian to the group, after Amy tries to kill her

"I see Drusilla. She's touching Amy." *pause* "It's not a bad touch." -- Andrew
"It's Drusilla, of course it's a bad touch!" -- Amy

"Gillian, it's your roommate. Sorry I tried to kill you. We need to start planning your party. Stop pouting and give me a call." -- Amy, leaving voice mail for Gillian

Episode 1.6: "First Impressions" (February 21, 2004)

"So...these friends.... They're not demons are they?" -- Gillian to Eric, on their first date

Episode 1.7: "George the Vampire Slayer?" (March 20, 2004)

"Be careful!" -- Gillian to Eric
"That's pretty funny, coming from the woman who ran into a nest of vampires alone." -- Kris
"That's different. (She) has super-powers, he doesn't!" -- Carla

"I knock on the door of the bathroom that Dr. Post is in. But I make sure it's that rapid 'I have to pee' sort of knock." -- Nigel to GM

"I think we should call this session 'Rue Britannia.'" -- Kris to the group, after everyone winds up in an England where magic is regulated, demons are hunted, and Slayers are men

"Getting back to the wonderful world of 'Gillian the Vampire Slayer...'" -- GM to the group
Actually it would be 'George the Vampire Slayer' now." -- Matthew

"See about getting us three rooms (at the hotel)." -- Nigel
"Three rooms? Why three?" -- Gillian
"One for the boys. One for the girls. And one for me." -- Nigel

"Was I able to tell if (the guy following me) was me? I should get a bonus for that." -- Andrew to GM

"Nigel thinks it might be you." -- Amy
"That would be fine. I can reason with myself." -- Andrew

"What would you like me to do with my Slayer strength?" -- George
"Beat (that guy) up a lot." -- Amy

"No offense to you, but this world sucks!" -- Amy to the other dimension's Willow

"I'm tired. It was an eight-hour flight, and then constant monsters and running." -- Amy to the group

Episode 1.8: "There's No Place Like Home" (April 17, 2004)

"Are the collars (on the demons) removable?" -- Amy
"If I chop its head off, yeah." -- Gillian

"I have no weapon." -- George
"You're a Slayer (here), you are your weapon." -- Jessica

"Blah blah blah. They should call them talkers, not watchers." -- Matthew to the group, as Dr. Post blathers on

"If it would make you feel better to hit me, then by all means, go ahead." -- Dr. Post to Jessica and Andrew
"I deck him." -- Jessica
"I begin casting a spell at him." -- Andrew, at the same time

"It's a spell of patience." -- John
"Andrew could use that, but he'd never have the patience to cast it." -- Jarrod and Kris, in unison

"I was taught dispel because we all figured I was going to fuck up casting spells a lot." -- Amy to the group

"Do all Watchers wind up like Nigel?" -- Andrew
"How so?" -- Watcher
"Self-important and arrogant." -- Andrew
"Oh, no." -- Watcher
"What percentage?" -- George

"I spent the day with the coven. I learned how to make flowers and stuff." -- Amy to the group
"Amy's got flower power!" -- Jarrod

"I learned how to make flowers today. Vampires, beware!" -- Amy to the group

"(Jessica's) got that tight little gymnast ass. You know, that Mary-Lou Retton I-could-fall-on-my-ass-and-bounce-back-up-again thing." -- Amy to Gillian

"And then Amy tried to electrocute me." -- Gillian to Gavin, filling him in on past events
"Tried? I succeeded!" -- Amy, indignant

Episode 1.9: "Hair Today, Goons Tomorrow" (May 15, 2004)

"I think I'll call Amy 'Nancy Drew,' because she's always sticking her nose into everything." -- Jessica to George, discussing what pseudonyms to use for her friends in her notes
"I think that should be 'Nancy Woo.'" -- Matthew

"We should dismember a corpse and spread it around the city, to see how (Amy) does (at finding it with her locator spell)." -- Jarrod to the group

"Are you sure this spell is safe?" -- Captain Waller to Amy
"The answer is always, 'Absolutely.'" -- Jarrod

"I go back to the Scooby gang hideout." -- Amy to GM
"We have one of those?" -- Jessica
"Yeah, it's called a dorm." -- George

"Amy's armed and dangerous." -- Kris to the group, after the Initiative soldiers catch Amy holding a severed arm

"We've all got our cross to bear." -- Patrick to the group, after Jessica's cross burns an imprint into a vamp

"Werewolf hair. There's got to be a use for that. Next time (Oz) turns, I'm shaving him bald." -- Amy to the group

"Ah Canada, the home of pretty strippers, drinking, and evil witches who curse you." -- Amy to the group

"So you're like Giles?" -- Oz to Nigel
"Yes, he's a Watcher." -- Jessica
"It's the tweed." -- Oz

"Do I get any points for the hair thing? Running in and attacking it...that's above and beyond the call of Amy." -- Matthew to GM

Episode 1.10: "Ordinary World" (June 11, 2004)

"I'm only 19, it's probably for the best that I don't know any rotting black death curse spells. I'd like an impotence spell, though. I think that would be fair." -- Amy to Jessica

"Gillian, what are you doing?" -- GM
"Looking bait-y?" -- Gillian

"When I left (for Rome) my house was not haunted..." -- Nigel to the group

"Anything creepy?" -- Nigel, as Andrew opens the door to Nigel's bedroom
"I don't know, is there?" -- Andrew

"Not in the house, please, do you know how long it takes to clean zombie out of the carpet?" -- Kris, speaking for Nigel, to the group, after they show up dragging a corpse

"It's always nice when it's your dead wife who's stalking you." -- GM to the group

Episode 1.11: "Meltdown" (June 19, 2004)

"Are you good at the climbing things? Because I'd hate for you to slip and fall on the ice or something." -- Amy to Gavin, as they try to escape from Nigel's house, which is surrounded by vampires
"I don't think it's the ice that's going to kill him." -- Kris

"Nigel, break the spell, (Jonathan's) trying to trade places with me!" -- Andrew
"I'm thinking about it." -- Kris, speaking for Nigel

"Why is there a whole bunch of ice in the freezer?" -- GM, speaking for George
"It's demon ice, don't ask." -- Andrew

"(What you offer) must be something of great importance to you." -- Stygian imp to Andrew
"Give him your Captain Archer poster." -- Kris

"I continue trying to find heaven to see if I can make a similar deal with them." -- Andrew to GM
"What are you going to offer them, the other half of your black soul?" -- Kris

"What does Nigel need? Nigel needs a stalker. Something romantic and yet creepy at the same time." -- Matthew to the group.

Episode 1.12: "Dream a Little Dream" (July 17, 2004)

"They're ice gremlins." -- Nigel
"How do I kill them?" -- Jessica
"Well there' probably don't have that with you." -- Nigel
"What, a flame-thrower? Not in my bag, no." -- Jessica

"What should we do with the body of the Balorian demon?" -- Jessica to Nigel
"Nigel, do you have a big freezer?" -- Amy

"Try grilled cheese the next time." -- Giles to Jessica, after hearing that her symbiote fed on the energy from a Balorian demon

"So I have us all join hands." -- Gillian to GM
"I think we'd already joined hands, except for don't-touch-me Nigel." -- Jessica

"Do you have a crush on my brother?" -- Gillian
"He's really pretty." -- Amy
"Of course, he's my twin." -- Gillian

"I've got magic, I've got saving the world, I've got school.... My plate's full!" -- Amy to Gillian

"If I'm going to derail (the ghost train), I don't want to be on it." -- Andrew to Nigel

"You need to go in and look (to the demon princes) like you belong there...not that you belong in Hell...." -- Nigel to Andrew

"What I like about this whole plan is that the person who is in danger is Andrew." -- Nigel to the group

"I'm supposed to check out the Campus Crusade for Christ, but that's not happening anytime soon since I'm going to Hell." -- Gavin to the group

Episode 1.13: "To Hell and Back" (August 20, 2004)

"George, can you build a robotic body that can be controlled by a ghost?" -- Andrew to George

"The extra-planar cold (in Stygia) isn't such that it should kill us immediately." -- Amy
"It isn't?" -- Gavin
"I don't think it's really that cold." -- Amy

"Ake-stay im-hay." -- Amy, under her breath, to Gillian

"You're the Slayer, slay him!" -- Gavin
"Well, I thought maybe it would cause too much uproar." -- Gillian

"You're not going to save any moves for defense?" -- GM
"No...." -- Gillian
"Why would Gillian do that?" -- Matthew

"(Dorian's) evil." -- Jarrod
"He's not evil." -- Carla
"He said he was evil." -- GM
"Oh, I guess he's evil then." -- Carla

*whimper* "I don't want to be squished." -- Amy, running from a hellhound

"Use the sight on (Malcolm)." -- Amy to GM
"He's not gay." -- Mark
"Not that sight." -- Matthew

"Even though they're invisible, they can still be a shield." -- Nigel to GM

"Suddenly you're floating." -- GM
"Covered in blood?" -- Andrew
"No." -- GM
"Oh damn, I thought that would look really cool." -- Andrew

"Why were you (trapped in Stygia)?" -- Amy
"I hurt a lot of people." -- Malcolm
"Try not to hurt us. We rescued you." -- Amy

"Help!" -- Andrew
"We're working on it." -- Amy
"I'm being eaten!" -- Andrew

"Andrew's being eaten by bugs and scorpions and the like." -- George
"Is (Andrew) in hell?" -- Jessica
"No, he's in Manchester." -- Nigel

"Are we a network show or are we on cable? Because there's been a lot of swearing going on tonight." -- John
"This has been a cable show since episode one!" -- GM

"Suddenly, you feel the warmth leaving your body." -- GM
"Oh, that can't be good." -- Andrew

"George, run him over." -- Nigel, after spotting the demon god Levistus

"And what will you do when you find me?" -- Levistus to Nigel
"Talk you to death." -- Jessica

"Technically (Eric) was the only 'normal' person (in the group that went to Stygia). Except for Gavin, but he's an extra-dimensional 'normal.'" -- Nigel to the group

Episode 1.14: "Winter's End" (September 17, 2004)

"If we combine...." -- Andrew, discussing strategies for fighting Levistus
"If we combine, we can be two irritating gnats instead of one." -- Amy
"Well, combined we've created a god!" -- Andrew

"I walk downstairs and I get my roommate?!?" -- Andrew to the group
"It's college." -- Amy

"We will most likely go into a deep meditative state." -- Nigel to Eric
"Meaning their mouths will fall open and drool will come out." -- Kris

"I'm going to distract (the Gray Man) by shooting him a lot." -- Lt. Smythe to the group

"I'll be (Dorian's) vampire bride if I can live in that big mansion of his." -- Amy to the group

"You're sending (Levistus) to Asmodeus' realm? That was a hell of a ritual." -- GM to Andrew

"(Andrew's) a TWIT. A Terrible Watcher In Training." -- Amy to the group

Episode 2.1: "The Doily" (October 16, 2004)

"I'm going on the Watcher Web and seeing if anyone else has encountered clockwork people, and if so, if this is a natural occurrence." -- Nigel to GM

"There's one (clockwork person) holding (Gillian)?" -- Gavin
"Yes." -- GM
"Gunshot to the head." *pause* "The robot. Not Gillian." -- Gavin

"We were just attacked by this robot master guy!" -- Gillian's weirded-out dad.
"Oh, it's Ann Arbor." -- Amy, as though it should be explanation enough

"Gavin has to go back." -- Nigel
"No!" -- Gillian
"He has to! Because of the doily!" -- Nigel

Episode 2.3: "Trading Spaces" (January 15, 2005)

"When Gillian gets here we'll touch lightly upon this." -- Nigel to the group, regarding Gavin's disappearance
"Gavin's been banished." -- Nigel, when Gillian arrives

"If we can do that much by accident, imagine what we could do on purpose." -- Andrew to Amy

Episode 2.4: "The Lost Weekend" (February 19, 2005)

"'Cause magic just fucks everything up." -- Gillian to Eric, explaining why she wants to talk with George about science

"OK, so you guys get there with the monkey...I'll get back to you." -- GM to Andrew and Niles

"Don't help me when I fight!" -- Gillian to Andrew, after he accidentally knocks her off of her feet

"Since this guy was the Collector's heir apparent, he's probably been exposed to all sorts of elixirs." -- Nigel, explaining why the hairless guy is healing so quickly
"Lucky him!" -- Jessica
"Would you like to go through the rest of your life hairless and smelling of bleach?" -- Nigel

Episode 2.5: "Odds and Ends" (March 19, 2005)

"I killed four vampires at once. *pause* What's the most you've killed in one fight?" -- Amy to Gillian
"What's the most vampires I've killed in one fight?" -- Gillian to GM
"Five." -- GM
"Seven." -- Gillian to Amy

"So I'm following this strange guy into the graveyard, and I think this is a great idea?" -- Jessica to GM

"You're trying to hit the roof, so you won't need to roll much to succeed." -- GM to Andrew

"No offense, but if I start dating and have an intimate moment, I really don't want you there." -- Amy to Andrew

"So (Nigel's) idea of a hot date is to show her pictures of another woman?" -- Kris to the group, after Nigel shows Gillian's picture to Isabel

"Do you have any plans for Valentine's Day?" -- GM
"Well, no boys have asked me out lately...who are living." -- Amy

"Didn't we want to bring that guy back from hell?" -- Amy to GM
"Don't do that on Valentine's Day!" -- Jessica and Andrew

"(Isabel's) not as boring as Nigel." -- GM to Gillian
"That still leaves a lot of room." -- Matthew

"I can study (the robot) when it's dead." -- George to Gavin, Andrew and Amy

"Who's Jonathan?" -- the now robotic Professor Gold
"Just another ghost we know." -- Amy

Episode 2.7: "The Master Plan" (July 16, 2005)

"So you're dropping (your boyfriend) in order to get him back?" -- Andrew to Gillian

"Did you know that a cross is a very effective method of torture against a vampire? That was kind of fun...And when you shove it down their throat, they don't like it very much." -- Gillian to Nigel

"I have a spell that can destroy the world." -- Andrew
"You know, most people would be satisfied with having unleashed a demon from hell." -- Jessica

"I failed the roll. What did I not see?" -- Gavin to GM

"(Nigel) will either help, or he'll lecture you. He's British." -- Amy to Marshall/The Archer

"Just because I'm a watcher doesn't mean they tell me everything." -- George to Giles

"I'm sorry, but a vampire chihuahua is the most frightening thing I've ever heard of." -- GM to the group

"Yay, I get drama points for mocking other characters. Yay!" -- Matthew to the group

"Fighting a werewolf with a garbage can, how can you get more heroic than that?" -- Carla to the group

Episode 2.8: "Paint It Black" (August 20, 2005)

"I killed 18 vampires at once. I think that's more than Amy." -- Gillian to GM

"We've figured out what the big bad is this season, and it's your Dad!" -- Jessica to Gillian

"But (does Amy) run over to the window to look out (at Jessica and Oz)?" -- Kris
"Well, (she doesn't) run...." -- Matthew

"We love our friends, therefore we mock them." -- Amy to Gillian

"I'm sorry I put a paralysis spell on you this morning. Bad Amy." -- Amy's note to Gavin

"OK, if you're going to ask for my help, would you just do what I say...for once?" -- Amy to Gillian

"Don't you think it's odd that Gavin fled into the arms of another witch six weeks after meeting me?" -- Amy to Gillian

"Sometimes I think we're the only good people in this world." -- Gillian
"What do you mean we?" -- Amy

"(Gillian's mom) is a soccer mom, of course she has no soul." -- Amy to the group

Episode 2.9: "The Truth About Gavin" (September 16, 2005)

"I'm going to have to get in your business now." -- Gillian to Bad Gavin

"Hmmm...two Gavins, no waiting." -- Amy to the group

"(Bad) Gavin punches you." -- GM
"What's the best way to see how strong he is?" -- Gillian
"Let him punch you." -- GM
"OK. I let him punch me." -- Gillian
"8 damage." -- GM
"Oh, aren't you cute." -- Gillian to (Bad) Gavin
"I punch him." -- Gillian to GM
"24 damage." -- GM

"I cast Cryokinesis (on Bad Gavin)." -- Andrew
"He's a native Michigander. Shouldn't slow him down much." -- Amy

"Generally, anyone who has a twin has an evil one." -- GM
"My twin's not evil." -- Amy
"You're right." -- Andrew

"Some of us have evil to thwart." -- Amy
"Unfortunately, yours is in yourself." -- George

Episode 2.10: "Thinking Outside the Box" (October 15, 2005)

"Just get here." -- Gillian
"I'm trying, there's traffic!" -- Amy

"I think we all need some banana-gnutella crepes." -- Amy
"I think we need to kill Emily." -- Eric
"Yeah!" -- most of the group
"OK, but a raincheck on the crepes." -- Amy
"Crepes after killing." -- Eric
"Hey, that's CAKE. Crepes After Killing Emily." -- Mark

"Dear diary, started evil gang today." -- writing in Emily's diary
"She's the Harmony of Ann Arbor!" -- Patrick

"She had expansion slots." -- Andrew to the group, explaining the extra coffins at Emily's house

"I don't want to be a professor. I've seen how cold and bitter it's made Nigel, and I don't want that." -- Amy to Jessica

"(Nigel) finds the lost treasure of the Templars, and I didn't even get a fucking t-shirt." -- Amy to the group

"I'm too tired to be a warrior, let's go this way." -- Nigel to Isabella, choosing a door after wandering around the maze for a while

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