I was quite simple and ordinary. I raised geese and tended fields of grain. I thought small. My friends, my family, those around me were my whole world until a preacher came to my small Bretagnian village. He spoke of Pope Urban's crusade. He spoke of higher purposes. He spoke of holy duty and the divine path of good Christians. I felt compelled by his words. Byzantium needed our help. My fields would be tended in my absense, but who would save the holy lands if I and others like me did not step forward? It felt very right, like destiny. I was suddenly a part of something bigger than myself. That's one aspect of being an angel. You are a part of something much larger than yourself. The symphony surrounds you and holds you together. You draw strength from it as you in turn support and strengthen it. It's not so much different for humans. Though some poor souls must subsist in lonely desolation many more are a part of something larger that gives them direction and purpose.
The year was the one thousand and ninety-fifth after Christ's birth. I took up a sword and shield and trained briefly before we all came together and marched to what seemed to me at the time to be the far end of the world. We were losely organized, not encumbered by politians and generals, and when we did arrive the Turks could not have been more surprised. Outnumbered, poorly equipt, untrained, and far from home we fought several inspired and inspiring battles. Morale was high. We were righteous. We did not know how to lose and when it was over Antioch was ours.
That is another essential element of beng an angel - righteousness. It is difficult to explain to those who have not felt it. Knowing the your cause is just breeds an unwaivering faith. It gives you confidence in your choices and in yourself. I fear what it must be like to feel the opposite - to face an opponent who was supremely secure in his conviction. It would be truely demoralizing to fight against that which is right, and in that measure I pitty the forces of hell and those unfortunate misguided humans who find themselves void of righteousness.
Alas not every fight is the good fight. True, Antioch was a great victory. We held the land until the Roman phalanxes, cavalry, legions, and politicians took control. Many of us returned to our home as heroes, myself included, but in the years that followed our victory in that far off land was reduced in places and reversed in others. Talk of a new crusade sprang up again and again. Many men went off to battle, but I do not feel they were motivated by the same feeling of righteousness that we had on the first crusade. Their intentions were good, but tainted slightly by greed for land, glory, and hatred for the enemy. Many people in my village asked me how I could turn my back this time and not return to the battle field. I simply replied that the war had become one for generals and mercenaries now. I tried to hearken back to Pope Urban's words about the path of good Christians, but I was no preacher. I just went about my work.
One day, and I remember this day with great clarity, I met a man at my well. I did not know then that he was an angel. He was simply dressed and unpretentious but I sensed an air of nobility about him. I greeted him. He introduced himself only as Andrew and before I could introduce myself he addressed me as Maxwell. It was not the name I used, but regional dialect and language aside, it was indeed mine. He spoke to me at length, very familiar with my life and deeds such as they were. I will not bore you with the depth of the conversation but suffice it to say that he presented me with an offer and a great honor. He would transform me into a celestial being if I agreed to serve Laurence, Archangel of Swords. Of course I agreed.
Ah, now here it is. The point of transformation. Surely you would think that this is where things changed for me, when I shed my mortality and accepted celestial immortality. Strangely, I found it only mildly different. Perhaps not unlike the passing over a political border, or experiencing a birthday. I did not become a new man then, but I did begin to learn and grow in new ways.