Men: Who Needs 'Em?

We finally found one woman we “suspected” was a lesbian, who told us her story. We met in the garden of her family’s estate, in modern-day Essex, then called Terling, April 8, 1760. Anne Camden is a thirty year old woman still living with her elderly parents. There was no recognition of “lesbianism” as a social construct in the 18th century, or even an official word (it became an adjective in 1820, a noun in 1925) (39). Rebel does not intend to superimpose 21st century constructs of lesbianism upon Anne, we are simply trying to understand her romantic involvement with women in the historic context of her century.

R: You’re 30, and living with your parents. It seems to Rebel, you don’t want to marry. Given that the average age for marriage in Terling is 24 (40), you could be part of roughly 10% of the population that will not marry (41). A “good girl” would be married by now… AC: I see marriage, to quote an acquaintance of mine, as “cruel servitude…for life” (42). My dearest companion, Lady Mable, at the neighboring estate has a wretch of a husband! And besides, Lady Mable and my maidservants keep me plenty of company. I have the privilege, being wealthy, to stay unmarried and uh, tend to my parents, for it is socially unacceptable that I am a homeowner. That is a husband’s role. When Lady Mable’s husband is away on business to London she oftentimes lodges at my estate, or I at hers for company. We enjoy each other’s conversation, and actually listen to each other. We sometimes wish we could escape to Wales and live in the countryside together, like the infamous “Ladies of Llonglen” did this year. They are two wealthy women, Sarah Ponsonby and Lady Butler, whose passionate friendship was ridiculed, as was their aversion to men (43). Living with women is anything but this “cruel servitude”: no pregnancy, no laying down the law, no financial monopoly.

R: Do you think they are involved romantically, or even sexually?

AC: Well, everyone assumes because “they did not want men, they do not want sex” (44). But the “good girl” of my century, as in the conventional woman, is not supposed to want sex at all. Do you understand me? I’m not supposed feel an ounce of lust, let alone act upon it. Let alone with another woman. If you were to ask any man if they really thought the Ladies of Llonglen were sexual (in reality, not in their lewd fantasies) they would surely reply “what folly, what nonsense, of course they did not desire each other, woman’s natural desire is for man.” Some women even prescribe to this nonsense that women feel no sexual desires. I overheard the famous authoress, Frances Burney, at a ball once arguing with a certain Miss W. Miss W. declared “it is an amorous disposition; that I do not possess…men are happier than us, it is because they are more sensual!” (45). And by the way, Frances replied, “I would not think so!” (46). So, to answer your question, I would assume the Ladies of Llonglen were romantically involved. I agree with Burney that of course, woman have sensual desires, and for women at that! For it was at this same ball, I met Sarah Ponsonby and she suggested as we were getting our wraps and going into the night, that we engage in tribady. (she smiled smugly)

R: Tribady? I’m not familiar with that term…

AC: Ah, a woman is called a “tribade” if she is romantically involved with another woman, even without sexual involvement. The word “tribade” between women is referred to, even if it is not sexual (47).

R: Now back to Lady Mable, may I be frank…are you romantically involved with her? Do you sleep together? Do you engage in “tribady”? AC: Since you have sworn anonymity, I shall admit freely “yes” to all of your questions. Well of course, and when I do not have her company, my maidservant will sleep with me. This is normal, actually. In fact, there is a published account of sexual intimacy between two servants. One servant claimed “at 11 years of age…we took all opportunities…to heighten the Titillation, and gratifie our sinful lusts…we, in short, pleasured one another” (48). Lady Mable often has her maidservant sleep with her so her husband doesn’t have sex with Lady Mable.

R: Tell me more about your maidservants. We understand maidservants often slept in the same beds in small servants' quarters and that they partake in giving each other pleasure, don’t your parents abhor that behavior?

AC: They don’t know it goes on. I know, well, because I also have an intimate relationship with my chambermaid, Emily. What we woman do in private is of no concern to men, except in their lewd fantasies. And what the maidservants do in their private bed chambers is of no interest to their masters, as long as they don’t get pregnant.

R: Because you are mistress at this estate, are you sure your chambermaid Emily wants to be intimate with you, or is it a matter of unspoken necessity; duty of a master to servant relationship? AC: Well, Lady Mable admitted she forced one of her maids to lie with her, but my Emily actually made advances upon me. For maids, it is worth the risk to make advances upon a mistress. There is potential affection, a “promotion” if the mistress grows to love her and wants her for a companion, and greater economic and job security. Queen Anne “promoted” a bedchamber maid, Abigail Masham, to her closest and most influential companion.

R: Do you oftentimes fear that you will be punished for your involvement with Lady Mable?

AC: No, of course not. Just like I was explaining that masters don’t bother themselves with servant affairs, this man-run society doesn’t care what we women do in our own time. The only time men take notice is when woman/woman intimacy interferes with woman/man relationships. For example, Lady Mable’s husband came back early from London and caught Lady Mable and her maid naked in the bath. But all he did was send the maid away the next morning. He believed the maid had seduced Lady Mable, in a sense, taken his place. But his dear Lady could not have desired the maid, he was certain, so he simply sent the “vulgar, oversexed” maid away! Little did he know Lady Mable had forced Emily to bathe with her! Some maids have not been so lucky, as was the case with Susannah Yeareley who was raped because “Yeareley was too kind to her mistress” (48). Aye, Providence was on the side of Lady Mable’s servant! But, intimate encounters between women thrive in acceptable all-woman places my maid tells me: nunneries, servants’ quarters, and houses of correction (49).

R: No offense, for a century bordering on the rather staunchy Victorian Age, uh nevermind, I’m talking about the future-Miss Anne, you really never feared punishment for sexual interactions with women?

AC: No that is absurd, the mild punishments that are given don’t even refer to our sexual interactions, let me tell you a story. Now, the only time I ever feared punishment was when I first met Lady Mable. I was about 20, and we had not yet involved ourselves in tribady. We were simply best friends and we shared our loathing of marriage. Lady Mable read in the papers of women dressing as men. In fact, The Fleet Registers gave three examples of women marrying each other (50). I was considering dressing as a man and marrying Lady Mable…this has been sensationalized of course by Fielding’s The Female Husband. But, really, we had talked of it until Lord Hardwicke’ Marriage Act of 1754 made it harder to do (51).

R: So you didn’t fear punishment before the Marriage Act? What about men marrying men, did they try to dress as women?

AC: Oh, you mean men of the Molly Club, sodomites, effeminate men? They have been severely punished. Hanged, imprisoned, put in the pillory, the rack. I have even heard of a crowd beating a man to death, or cutting off his ears (52). The charge is “sodomy” and it is a sexual charge, even if the men are romantic without physical intimacy. Luckily, for me, romantic love between women is not even publicly recognized as a crime! Even after the Marriage Act women marrying women was only a charge of “fraud,” not sexual deviance (53).

R: So you don’t fear punishment from society, but tell me, do you feel ostracized for what publicly appears to be an intimate relationship with another woman, instead of a man?

AC: Yes, actually I do. When we go into Terling, we as in Lady Mable and I, I see woman whispering to one another and men…well, men seem to salivate when they look at us wide-eyed. I hope someday, we can be public about our love…

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