Ambercon 2001 Quotes

Slot 1

"Amber: Life in the ER" by Mark Stafford, Brian Caldwell, Ron Miller and Mike Yates

Last year, the Box of Idiots™ provided the alcohol to get Amber smashed. This year, it's time to be more responsible. In the middle of a thirty-six hour shift in the emergency room, will you be ready with the cottage cheese for a man missing his gallbladder? What about a man choking on a wood chip? Or someone with their organs on the outside? See all this and more in the emergency room of the Amber County General Hospital. In the vein of such games as "Oberon's Gallbladder" and "Doctor Jellyfingers: Professional Proctologist," come see the "Monty Python" of Ambercon and more of their juvenile potty humor in this latest moronic classic.

Cast of Characters

Anne Delekta:Sin
Michael Schloss:Morgan
Duane Spencer:Tracy

"Tracy's buying a miniskirt that stops high enough to just let the cheeks peek out." -- Duane Spencer to the group
"It's not so much a skirt as a really wide belt." -- Michael Schloss

"The Bayle's piss is fresh, with the immigrants in the back (of the bar)." -- GM Mark to ?

"As Mark lazily fondles his 8-foot beef stick...." -- GM Ron to the group

"Are you over 40? Well then you'll get the finger (at the medical inspection)." -- Tracy
"Believe me, after the Fire Angel, the finger's nothing!" -- Morgan

"In the hospital waiting room, you see Brand with a silver crossbow bolt though his thigh. Next to him is Brand with a silver crossbow bolt through his shoulder." -- GM Ron to ?

"How about some opium? I'd be more inclined to use the oil and the balls if I had some opium to go with it." -- Sin to Dr. Jellyfingers, professional proctologist

"Did you see Dr. Jellyfingers?" -- Sin
"I didn't really see him; he was behind me." -- Morgan

"I have a hole-istic approach to medicine." -- Dr. Jellyfingers to ?

"You hear a familiar voice." -- GM Mark
"Familiar how?" -- Anne Delekta
"Familiar like you've heard it before." -- GM Mark

"We're very sorry, we've just had a monkey attack the orderly." -- GM Mark to ?

"Just because you take the suit off doesn't mean you're not still an astronaut monkey." -- GM Mark to Morgan

"We could just put Lothos in a flensing barrel and have beetles eat him...." -- Sin
"But then they'd eat him and we'd have tons of evil Lothos beetle shit to deal with." -- Morgan

"I'll save you!" -- Llewella to Morgan, right before she shoots him

"Between the Motion and the Act/The Day of Broken Branches" by Sol Foster and Rain Donaldson

It was the best of times, and everybody knew it. Amber paid a terrible price in the Great War, but a sturdy peace was forged from it. Ghostwheel and Jale have bound Amber and Chaos together in a web of mutual dependence, powering a technological revolution -- and a threat of mutually assured destruction.

Now an unknown navy blockades Amber's harbor, while an army marches on Chaos. Has a new power stepped in to shatter the peace? Can you put the genie back in the bottle, or is this the beginning of the end?
"I haven't heard about that one," I said.
He shrugged. "I'm not surprised. It wasn't all that important a matter, except to them."

"The Unicorn is the first cause and Amber springs from It."

"He had arrived just in time to prevent Dworkin from being summarily executed for attempting to cause an insurrection against the prevailing government."

"I've sheltered your father on many a strange day. He planted me, you see."

"I have run into this difficulty with scripture in the past. It tells you enough to get interested, but never enough to be of any immediate use."

Cast of Characters

Anne Devlin:Layla
R.F. McCaughey:Basque

"I'm taking command." -- Julian to Finndo, after cutting off the ship captain's head

"The spell sweeps you up and you are stuck to the wall." -- GM
"I'll use Power Word Defensive Luck to wiggle free." -- Eric
"Nothing happens." -- GM
"Maybe you are luckier stuck to the wall." -- Anne Devlin

"Did you get Dworkin?" -- Layla, Trumping Eric
"I'm stuck on a wall. How are you?" -- Eric

"Father, your engagement is off." -- Basque, handing Jasra's head to Oberon

"A Ghost Story" by Rae Williams

Mystery - Ghosts and mirrors in Castle Amber have led to this adventure that involves the past, present and future. The first adventure was run as a one shot, which evolved into a campaign, now in its 5th year.

Cast of Characters

Darrell Butler:Roland, son of Dworkin (House MacDonald)
Chris King:Gregor
Ian Ng:Kincade, son of Caine
Jo Ann Spencer:Stefan, son of Random
Brian Stanley:Chastity
Jennifer Stanley:Elizabeth, daughter of Julian
T. Michaël Trout:Bran, orphan
Cal Westray:Steed, son of Flora

"Who are you?" -- Oberon
"I'm Elizabeth, daughter of Julian." -- Elizabeth
"You killed my father, prepare to die." -- GM

"Have I heard of the Hall of Mirrors?" -- ?
"Everyone's heard of the Hall of Mirrors, it's a great tourist attraction." -- GM

"Note to self, get a vasectomy." -- Oberon to himself, after having everyone come to him with problems

"Well, did they poison the food?" -- Bleys
"Not with anything that killed me..." -- Chastity

"The Spirit of '76" by John Davies

Break out the needle guns, it's time for another Jerry Cornelius/Amber crossover! The year is 1976 and the Spaghetti God (better known as the Logrus) is not a Happy Bunny. All is not well in the garden that is his London. Chaos threatens his Order and this Chaos has a name -- it is Punk Rock. The battle lines are drown and society crumbles. It could spell the End of Everything. And what is Jerry C., the champion of the Logrus, doing about this? What he does best -- he parties in the ruins.

So once again the Spaghetti God has to call in the cavalry. Get ready to strap on your vibro guns, pull on your bondage wear and do battle yet again to save that unique Amber that is Cornelius.

Cast of Characters

James Arnoldi:Alexander Bekk
Joe Filippini:Odwin
Sean Frost:Gern
Guy Gascoigne-Piggford:Lt. Col. Michael Lewis
Sarah Kindred:Connla
Joe Saul:Raphael
Lucya Szachnowski:Victoria

"We're not upscale enough for balconies in this squat." -- Connla
"WE only squat in the BEST." -- Gern

"Raphael was all cut up and bleeding." -- Victoria, referring to the second of two Raphaels
"I think he's with me." -- Alexander, referring to the first of two Raphaels
"Oh, that's all right then." -- Victoria

"If we go to Newest Scotland Yard, we'll blend in because there are a lot of police vans there." -- Raphael, driving a stolen police van with beaucoup external trauma from earlier misadventures
"Yes, but they have police in them." -- Alexander

"You work for the Logrus (AKA the Spaghetti God)." -- Victoria
"I don't know any organization by that name. Are they like the Mafia?" -- Frank Cornelius
"They both like spaghetti." -- Guy Gascoigne-Piggford

"These (ducks) are tougher than they look." -- Raphael
"See if you can quack in Thari." -- Connla

"I am lost and injured. Please take me to the British Embassy or a pub." -- Raphael to ?

"Just walk over to her. She only bounced about a hundred yards." -- Connla to ?

"I figure while (Frank Cornelius) is focused on his sucking chest wound, his mental defenses are down and...oh, it's dark in here." -- Alexander, mindraping a drug-addicted NPC
"You find out everything we need to know, and spend the next month twitching." -- Gern

"I go over the edge." -- Col. Lewis to ?
"We know." -- Joe Saul

"Does the Bishop go down?" -- Raphael, after shooting the Bishop
"Regularly." -- Victoria

"I pull Jerry Cornelius out of my butt." -- Victoria to GM, after making Trump contact through a portrait drawn upon the seat of her jeans

Slot 2

"The Fifth Element" by Deb Atwood and Jennifer Jackson

In the wake of the assassinations of several of Amber's Royals, a strange wave of energy reverberated out from the Pattern. Its ultimate effects are unknown, but one thing's for certain, life in the Castle just hasn't been the same since.

Cast of Characters

J.P. Brannan:Quinlan, son of Flora
Michael Deneweth:Mark, son of Random
Anne Devlin:Richmond, son of Mirelle
Kris Fazzari:Bridget, daughter of Brand and Danira Hendrake
D.J. Hyland:Gabriel, religious missionary of Royal blood, son of Joe and Sophie
Jack Kessler:Lucinda, daughter of Oberon and Marianne
Valerie Kessler:Shira, daughter of Marian (an Amber noble) and an unknown Royal
Sarah Kindred:Matthew, son of Flora
R.F. McCaughey:Tinker, son of Gérard
Blake Moorcroft:Cameron, co-librarian, one of Caine's former men

"Don't you have parties when someone dies?" -- Gabriel
"We have parties where someone dies." -- Shira

"Do you know how big your wings would have to be to lift you?" -- Bridget to Gabriel
"He probably has hollow bones." -- Mark
"I don't know. I've never cut them open." -- Gabriel

"How long was your gestational period?" -- Bridget
"I don't remember." -- Gabriel

"How would the Unicorn become aroused?" -- D.J. Hyland
"Lie back, close your eyes, and think of the good of Amber." -- Sarah Kindred

"The question is, how drunk was the Unicorn?" -- Quinlan to the group

"Dear King Oberon. There are too many Marian(ne)s in this game. Please eliminate three." -- J.P. Brannan to the group

"We have a gallery?" -- GM ?
"There's plenty of dead Elders. We can convert one of their rooms." -- Michael Deneweth

"As long as I'm not in a ball gown, there will be no fire." -- Shira to the group

"And the best thing that Random can do for security around here is be dead." -- J.P. Brannan to the group

"What do you want to do tonight, Brand? Same thing we do every night, Bleys. Try to take over the universe." -- Jack Kessler to the group

"That's it. I bring my Pattern lens up." -- Matthew to GM
"I have a cheese and cracker." -- Mark

"Oh! That thing with the little cards!" -- Gabriel
"Poker?" -- Mark
"Trump?" -- Matthew

"So, which finger did you poke her with?" -- Lucinda
"My pokin' finger." -- Mark

"You know, I'm just stoked that I got to poke Flora." -- Mark
"And popped her." -- Lucinda
"After she was dead, ya sicko!" -- Matthew

"I have a suggestion. Maybe if more dead people appear, we shouldn't poke them." -- Gabriel to the group

"Yeah, Amber's getting bigger, pass the wine." -- Gabriel to ?

"Is there any pattern to the not-Pattern?" -- Matthew to GM Jenn

"He wants me to go poke Deirdre. In the library." -- Mark to ?
"With the candlestick." -- Sarah Kindred and Jack Kessler, in unison

"Oberon's drawers are always so much fun." -- GM Deb to Bridget

"They're going to grope the dead girl and steal the book." -- D.J. Hyland to the group

"Because, y'know, if you want the dead to speak with you, pick the dead with the highest Psyche." -- Gabriel
"Yeah, pick the dead that can possess you." -- Tinker
"Fiona's going to look cute with wings." -- Matthew

"There's a wall behind (the mirror)." -- GM
"Well, I'm not completely surprised." -- Mark

"So if the Pattern broke (the mirror), does that mean the Pattern gets seven years of bad luck?" -- Gabriel
"Only if we live here." -- Mark

"So, you don't have any mirror powers, do you?" -- Tinker
"I'm not saying." -- Richmond
"I don't have any mirror powers, I'm saying." -- Tinker

"I'm torn between 'Hell, yes' and 'Hell, no,' given the nature of it." -- GM Deb
"Compromise?" -- GM Jenn
"It's 'Hell, maybe.'" -- the players

"Everybody's dressed again, now we can continue." -- GM Deb to the group

"You put your hand through me! I'm not listening to you!" -- Gabriel to Shira

"You know that stuff you don't like that Samuel's full of?" -- Matthew
"I never said I didn't like it. I just said he was full of it." -- Bridget
"Well, you're full of it too." -- Matthew

"The GMs have an intense conference, and then tell you, 'Nothing happens.'" -- Kris Fazzari to ?
"No, the GMs have an intense staring contest, and then tell you nothing happens." -- GM Deb

"You know, world-destroying artifacts never come with a FAQ." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"I'm not killing (Gabriel). I'm just stabbing him in the kidney." -- Matthew to GM ?

"Can I run and Trump at the same time?" -- Bridget to GM Deb

"(Gabriel's) sleeping like an angel." -- Tinker
"He's sleeping like an angel with a knife in his back." -- Matthew

"No! No more group amoeba teleports." -- Matthew to Quinlan

"I'm not 100% sure of that..." -- Matthew to the group
"Of course you're not sure of it. It's probability." -- Jack Kessler

"That's it! Everybody roll initiative." -- J.P. Brannan
"If you've got dice, you live." -- Blake Moorcroft
"That's it. We're all dead." -- Jack Kessler

"They look remarkably healthy for dead people." -- Bridget to the group

"The voices in your head were bothering me." -- Matthew to Gabriel

"I'm carrying Richmond upstairs to bed." -- Matthew
"And we learn something new about Matthew." -- GM Deb
"That explains why the women never get anywhere with him." -- Kris Fazzari

"Gazpacho Soup" by Sean Frost

As King Eric prepares to defend the realm against siblings and unknown invaders alike, a handful of troublemakers and malcontents in Amber city are rounded up and placed in a frozen-time Shadow. Thousands of centuries later they emerge, into a world where humans are long vanished and Prince Julian's hounds have evolved into intelligent beings. What the heck happened? What will the survivors do? Why is the game called "Gazpacho Soup" when the last Spanish eatery crumbled 20,000 years ago?

Cast of Characters

Marc Phoenix Gibbs:Pattern ghost Talrek/Eric
Chrisanne King:Cat
Keri King:Tanya
Ray Laura:Dave
Ian Ng:Titanium Johnson
Lucya Szachnowski:Chloé
Jeremy Zimmerman:Craig Spanner (Lister)

"Shall we call you Tits, for short?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman to Ian Ng, regarding the name of Ian's character

"After three million years, anything in a cask is toast. After three million years, anything sealed in glass is still toast." -- Talrek
"Why would you put toast in glass?" -- Titanium Johnson

"Oh, I don't even want to think about Gérard's laundry." -- Talrek to ?, commenting on three million years of laundry
"You should see Flora's panties. They've evolved into fish monsters!" -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"That's nowhere near as bad as the crabs that grew out of Bleys' shorts." -- GM

"Let's loot the castle" -- Tanya
"I'm stuffing things down my trousers." -- Craig Spanner
"He's stuffing tapestries down his pants?" -- Titanium Johnson

"I'm going to sip (the booze)." -- Chloe
"Oh, it's bad." -- GM
"It's good stuff, this." -- Chloe, wincing and handing it to Craig Spanner

"Is there a tinder box in the kitchen?" -- Chloe to GM, looking to start a fire
"Oh, she's practical. We're going to have to get rid of her." -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"How did you do that?" -- Dog, referring to Talrek's insubstantiality
"See this? That's how." -- Talrek, pointing to the P on his forehead
"I'm gonna go write 'P' on my forehead." -- Tanya

"You're not smelling (Dog's) butt, are you?" -- Tanya
"Well, he's a dog. What do you want from me?" -- Craig Spanner

"Dog, can you lick yourself?" -- Craig Spanner
"Sure!" -- Dog, licking his arm
"No. I mean HERE, man!" -- Craig Spanner, pointing to his crotch

"(Twizzlers) are like food, but not." -- GM to the group

"This food is the One True Kibble." -- Craig Spanner to ?

"Given every opportunity to get better equipped, the party decides to proceed as currently armed." -- GM to the group

"The problem with button-fly jeans is you can't get that satisfying ZZZIP sound." -- Ian Ng to the group

"I'm unconscious so I respond to you not at all." -- Titanium Johnson to ?

"What's on his forehead?" -- Talrek, inspecting the unconscious Titanium Johnson
"It looks like a kind of mucous." -- GM
"I lick it." -- Craig Spanner

"You wake up to two sensations: a burning in your throat and a tingling in your nipple." -- GM to Titanium Johnson as he awakens from unconsciousness

"What are you, a cannibal?" -- Dog
"We're not dogs." -- Tanya
"Oh, right. What are you, a caninabal?" -- Dog

"I'm watching both Dog and Mr. Happy Hydrant." -- Talrek to ?

"Benedict would not seal empty flasks and label them 'DO NOT TOUCH' for nothing." -- Marc Phoenix Gibbs
"Actually, he would, just to throw us off." -- Ian Ng

"Oh, great! Let's snort a Lord of Chaos." -- Marc Phoenix Gibbs to ?, discussing the accidental consumption of primal shapeshifters

"Does he appear to have testicles?" -- Titanium Johnson to GM, going over his combat options

"Dog, can you smell Dave?" -- Craig Spanner
"Not with you around." -- Dog

"I poke the Chaos monster." -- Tanya to ?

"If (Dave's) unconscious and he explodes, so much the better." -- Tanya to ?, testing for Chaosites

"'Now that you've beaten the Chaos Lord, what are you going to do?' 'We're going to eat it!'" -- Keri King to the group

"Maybe I can make a curry out of the kibble." -- Chloe to ?

"Are we going to chop up the Chaos Lords?" - Talrek, regarding the disposition of the remaining Chaos Lords that are sealed in bottles
"Yes, we'll do one bottle and then the other. If the first one eats us, we won't do the second." -- Chloe

Slot 3

"Costume LARP: Six Strings and Would Be Kings" by John Schleick, et al.

The King is dead. After ruling for more than 40 years from Lost Vegas, Elvis Presley has left America without its leader. Who will become king? With every sword-brandishing, guitar-playing dreamer; every heartbroken, gun-toting hero; and every self-absorbed, power-hungry dictator on the yellow brick road to Vegas, it's a crowded path to the top.

The road to Vegas is littered with would-be kings. Sandstorms, nuclear waste, cannibals, bowlers, groupies and Russian soldiers (a lot of Russian soldiers) all stand in their way. Death waits in the Wastelands, ready to shoot down any rising stars. It will take more than just talent to make it all the way to Vegas. It will take courage, determination, and most of all attitude. For one thing is certain...only the coolest will be King.

Cast of Characters

Simone Cooper:Graceland Presley
?Mad Mardigan:

"(John Travolta) needed the butthorn to get into those pants." -- Graceland Presley to ?

"You know what they say: Careful screening in child care providers is key." -- Graceland Presley to Mad Mardigan

"Do you all go to sleep?" -- GM John
"Yes, that way we can all be tied up and taken to the next part of the adventure." -- Simone Cooper

"Empire of the Gleaming Banner 5: Ancient Calling" by R.F. McCaughey

Despair in Darrheabarr. Assassination in the Imperial Palace? Trump Artists are in threat. The Chaos ambassador arrives in the Sunwashed City with an ultimatum. With the Imperial Family dropping one by one, the Empire and Chaos may soon be at war!

Cast of Characters

Karen Francis:Poe

"Can I convince the prisoners to stop struggling?" -- Poe
"Yes, he agrees to stop, and give you a chance -- but just then 20 guards burst into the room and begin to beat the both of you." -- GM

"Ill Met in Amber" by Chris Kindred

Sayeth the GM: "This is the city: a hotbed of intrigue, magic, swashbuckling adventure, and intrigue. It's a good place to live. And an easy place to die. A game of swashbuckling noir."

Sayeth the Players: "Ill Met in Amber is a combination of Amber RPG rules, and the social dynamics of Fahfrd and the Grey Mouser in an Oscar Wilde play after he's had a bit too much to drink..."

Plot: "Why, It's going to be the social event of the season, darling. Who will ever be able to forget the memorable night of Baron Bayle's Ball?"

Cast of Characters

Keith Cripe:Hawk, Captain of the City Guard in the suck side of town
Kris Fazzari:Madeline Dumas, Genevieve's identical twin, agent of Amber's Secret Service
Sol Foster:Sean O'Donovan, Captain in the Royal Navy
Jennifer Jackson:Elyssa Darcy, the jeweler of which all other jewelers are Shadow
Sarah Kindred:Detective Crown Investigator Abigail Irene Garrett
Michael Kucharski:Nicholas van Alikki, farm boy a la D'Artagnan, professional duelist
Blake Moorcroft:Morgan DeChastellan, Cardinal of the Church of the Unicorn and Chief Inquisitor
Jill Pritts:Genevieve Dumas, Madeline's identical twin, agent of Amber's Secret Service
Michael Schloss:Dane, Captain of the City Guard in the merchant quarters
Liz Trumitch:Juliana Pinegar, Duchess of Carlisle
Scott Whitney:Maximillian Feldane, seventh son of a seventh son
Jennifer Woelke:Madame Zaharula, fortune teller
Jeremy Zimmerman:Sir Reginald "Reggie" Bayle

"We say 'likes' in this game because 'incest' is harder to spell." -- GM to the group

"There are several things you can do to other people that don't involve their consent." -- Scott Whitney
"They usually involve throw pillows." -- Sarah Kindred

"Wear a mask. It helps you." -- Dane to Reggie
"Until you open your mouth." -- Sol Foster

"Anyone in the peanut gallery have any comments to add about Reggie?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"They're all too easy." -- Blake Moorcroft
"So is Reggie." -- Sarah Kindred

"Max is a bit of a dilettante, he attends all the best parties, wears the latest fashions, etc." -- Scott Whitney
"Just like Reggie." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Only classier." -- everyone

"My name is Blake, and I'm an alcoholic religious fanatic." -- Blake Moorcroft introducing his character to the group

"(Abigail) resembles an aging but once attractive woman in her mid-forties." -- Sarah Kindred
"Ah, so she's like a fine wine." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Yes, she'll leave you on the floor with a headache." -- Sarah Kindred

"Miss Darcy, I have a proposition for you." -- Abigail
"I've tried that line before, and it's never gotten me anywhere." -- Reggie
"And I've already told you, I'd much rather be friends, because I know how many (jewelry) receipts (for your women) I get from you each month, and I don't want to be a receipt." -- Elyssa

"There are some things involving foliage that the church frowns on." -- Morgan to Reggie

"The church has come up with a new term for you: vegiality." -- Morgan to Reggie

"Why are there so many priests in this restaurant?" -- Reggie to Elyssa, during their second date

"Are we all taking turns playing Sol's instrument?" -- Liz Trumitch to the group
"It's fun, but it's a little hard to play because it's so big." -- Sol Foster

"Shhhhh. Dramatic screwing moment." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"Keith, feel free to make the weird noises." -- GM to Keith

"It's those gnomes, they put nuclear generators into the grapes, that's why Bayle's Piss tastes so bad." -- Dane to the group, hallucinating after being poisoned

"The Bastille has landed. I must storm it to destroy the postman-hamster conspiracy." -- Dane to the group, still hallucinating

"I throw my glove at the gazebo and challenge it to a duel. 'What, you cur! Have at you!'" -- Dane
"OK, so you're currently engaged in a duel to the death with the gazebo." -- GM

"You know, there was this one time when you were sick with that one perfect flu of which all other flus are but Shadows..." -- GM to Sean

"So we're sleeping the sleep of the innocent, or the lucky...or maybe the unlucky." -- Kris Fazzari
"Or the dead." -- Scott Whitney

"No, I'm not really interested in going to where the screaming is." -- Elyssa to GM

"Your follicles are overdrawn. You'll have to come back with me to the toaster for questioning." -- the still hallucinating Dane to Madeline

"I'm on to your wily lamp shade ways." -- Dane
"Your light bulb needs changing." -- Madeline
"Dane begins unscrewing his nose." -- Michael Schloss

"You've been tied up by sailors." -- GM to Dane
"Dane's eyes suddenly widen in horror." -- Michael Schloss

"Two out of three captains destroy Bayle property." -- Blake Moorcroft to the group

"Nine Loas in Amber" by Rachel Holmberg

A reinterpretation of Amber through the complex belief system of Vodoun (a.k.a. Voodoo, Vudun, etc.) in a game centered on players and their performance.

Cast of Characters

James Arnoldi:Shango
Phil Brady:La Croix
Jack Kessler:Marrinette
Valerie Kessler:Taureau
Cal Rea:Baron Samedi
Tim White:Damballah

"I've been through the jungle on a goat with no name..." -- GM to ?

"No, I'm not gonna summon Ogun again. Not after I stepped on the doll." -- Baron Samedi to ?

"Ogun is not much like Benedict, though. I've discovered this. Because Benedict would never say those things." -- Cal Rea to ?, on the hazards of following parallels too closely

"Where do you keep your unfettered trees?" -- Marrinette
"You ask someone that on the street, and they don't look at you, and they walk away very quickly." -- GM

"If you're going to visit someone out of town, so to speak, is it considered rude to visit them with a horse?" -- La Croix
"Not really." -- GM
"Especially if you're going to visit Ezulie, and it's a really well-hung horse." -- Baron Samedi

"Perhaps some might consider me a rude guest." -- La Croix
"Some would be right." -- Baron Samedi

"You wanna worship Ezulie, there are certain ways to do it." -- GM to ?

"That's right. I have to put on flesh to do that." -- Baron Samedi
"You have to put on something." -- Damballah

"You're in bed with your sister, so naturally you start thinking about Papa..." -- Marrinette to ?

"He's Loka-ly around?" -- Marrinette to ?, punning shamelessly on the game's analog of the Pattern

"That's what the followers of Damballah look like when they're being ridden. I can't do it. It's like breakdancing." -- Baron Samedi to the group
"I moonwalk over to him." -- Damballah

"I'm an animated skeleton with a top hat. I need life insurance." -- Baron Samedi to ?

"Do not taunt Happy Fun Doll." -- Taureau to the group

"If we go to the Hunto, I get to play with the Hunto." -- Baron Samedi to ?

"If someone cut me into pieces, I would remember." -- Shango to ?

"How did you find me?" -- Baron Samedi
"In pieces." -- Shango

"I may have killed many people, but I didn't have sex with my sister!" -- Damballah
"I may have had sex with my sister, but I played hard to get first." -- La Croix

"I take a rib off - I've got plenty to spare - and stick it in the flame to see how long it takes to burn." -- Baron Samedi
"Not very long." -- GM

"Family tree? That's the target list!" -- La Croix to ?

"You drummed us to the wall of fire and we threw a man in. That was funny!" -- Baron Samedi to ?

"Or the World May Die" by Jo Ann Spencer

Nothing lasts forever. But when everything you know is gone, how do you begin again? A shared-world adventure for six young Amberites and Chaosians. Heavy on the angst and Merlin Chronicle references. Warning: Power junkies may find themselves in a lot of trouble!

Cast of Characters

Carla Arnoldi:Sylvie, daughter of Eric
Deb Atwood:Jinx, daughter of Bleys
Patrick Franklin:Aelric, son of Caine
Scott Olson:Keldian, son of Jurt and Julia
Sean Thompson:Ruther, new to Amber
T. Michaël Trout:Bran, orphan
Cal Westray:Steed, son of Flora

"Do I feel like I have my clothes on?" -- Steed to GM

"I don't wanna have to be in your head!" -- Jinx to Sylvie

"I'd rather not fingerpaint with primal chaos." -- Aelric to ?

"What we need is Logrus Building for Dummies." -- Patrick Franklin to the group

"Eventually they will be reborn as something. It may be a blade of grass the first time around. It may be a lawnmower." -- Keldian to ?

"No one eat the SPAM!" -- Carla Arnoldi to the group

"Do we crack the statue in half to release the eggs inside of it? Do we sit on it for a month?" -- Keldian to ?

"I could be the mother for the celestial chicken." -- Keldian to ?

"Jinx is making us follow the rules." -- Deb Atwood
"The universe really is ending." -- Sean Thompson

"You know they do make a good couple." -- Ruther
"Ew, he's only twelve!" -- Jinx
"Not any more!" -- Ruther, Steed and Keldian, in unison

"SerpentEye: On Her Majesty's Secret Service 2" by J.P. Brannan and Ian Ng

Once again Queen Moire has called upon her Secret Service to sort things out. But will even the elite agents of the Gemini Section, licensed to kill or be killed in the line of duty, be able to stop a scheme this far-reaching?

Cast of Characters

Lisamarie Babik:Pussy Willow AKA Agent 33
Michael Curry:Devlin
Anton North:John Blake AKA Gemini 45
Brian Stanley:Jack
Jennifer Stanley:Elizabeth
Jarrod Van Kirk:Jameson Smythe

"He takes his dingie thing out." -- Anton North
"It's on a strap around my neck." -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"It's a strap-on." -- Matthew Richardson

"You can't win, Dara!" -- John Blake
"Oh come on..." -- Michael Curry

"There's an enormous naked woman with a gun!" -- Matthew Richardson
"Everybody run." -- Jarrod Van Kirk, sung to the tune of "Homecoming Queen's Got a Gun"

"Dara, we'll shoot (Jameson) if you release the girl." -- Pussy Willow, pointing to Jameson Smythe

"At least two pairs of ears need to be near this hole." -- Jameson Smythe to ?
"Mine and Pussy's." -- ?, speaking for Jameson

"We can't be a squad...we have six people." -- ?
"A squad can have up to six." -- GM J.P.
"Maybe you could call it a squint?" -- Matthew Richardson

"Was that said dramatically loud for us?" -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"No." -- GM J.P.
"Just checking." -- Jarrod Van Kirk

"Can we remove Llewella from the list of suspects?" -- John Blake
"I'm not ready to do that." -- Jameson Smythe
"She's in your (own) department!" -- GM J.P.

"You have three choices: submarine, ship and airship." -- GM ?
"Let's not do the airship...that'll make me throw up." -- Pussy Willow

"Brand has a daughter?!?" -- Pussy Willow and Jameson Smythe
*sigh* -- John Blake
"We really need to read those intelligence reports." -- Pussy Willow

"We stick John in the crow's nest." -- Jameson Smythe
"There's no crow's nest in a boat." -- John Blake
"Exactly my meaning." -- Jameson Smythe

"We have Pussy inflate the auto captain." -- Jarrod Van Kirk to GM ?

"What do we do if we find Brand?" -- John Blake
"Follow him." -- Jameson Smythe
"Remember that 50mm anti-tank weapon you didn't get?" -- ?

"Intelligence says that if you get the drop on Brand, his warfare is only slightly higher than Agent Smythe." -- GM ?
"Really?" -- Jarrod Van Kirk, player of Agent Smythe
"Of course, he also has cosmic power." -- GM ?

"So I can carry my hammer in the open?" -- Pussy Willow
"Of course, Brand and his demons might notice it." -- GM ?
"Great, give me a gift I can't use, like an ice cream maker in Rebma." -- Pussy Willow

"You have a bag of endless money? I get my three gold doubloons confiscated, and he gets a bag of endless money! He's not making it back from this mission...I don't care how suave he is." -- Jameson Smythe to John Blake?

"We interviewed the shop owner." -- Anton North
"We interrogated him." -- ?
"You tied him to a chair and shined a lamp in his face." -- GM ?

"Is 'contract muscles' an offensive spell?" -- GM J.P. to GM Ian
"I use it for birthing." -- ?
"She can just pop those puppies out." -- Matthew Richardson

"I'll go around the house and see if I can find Brianna." -- John Blake
"Like she'll trust you." -- ?
"She'll probably think you're behind sending the commandos." -- Matthew Richardson
"You stop talking! You're not a GM." -- Jarrod Van Kirk

"How many times do you stab her?" -- GM ?
"How many stabs with a deadly damage stiletto does it take to kill a shapeshifter?" -- Jack
"Three." -- Michael Curry
"One...two...three." -- several players, in unison
"She is technically one of our enemies?" -- Anton North
"Now's a good time to ask." -- Matthew Richardson

"They don't give us a license to kill for nothing." -- Anton North to the group

"Let's go back to the house." -- John Blake
"Let's go through the Trump." -- Jameson Smythe
"No. Be quiet." -- Devlin
"The psyche character has spoken!" -- Jarrod Van Kirk

"I said throw a thermite grenade on the shapeshifter." -- Anton North
"What's a thermite grenade?" -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"Don't you watch James Bond?" -- Anton North
"No." -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"That explains a lot." -- Anton North
"Actually, isn't that a Star Wars thing?" -- GM Ian
"That's a thermal detonator." -- GM J.P. to GM Ian
"It's a PU36 Explosive Space Modulator." -- GM J.P. to Jarrod Van Kirk
"That I understand...Bugs Bunny." -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"That explains a lot." -- Anton North, again
"He's not a gadgeteer, he's Wile E. Coyote...Supergenius." -- Matthew Richardson

"(Dara's) Merlin's mom and Corwin's dad." -- Jarrod Van Kirk to ?

"Gilva's dead...dead a lot. She's really dead." -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"Is she really dead?" -- Matthew Richardson
"She's really, really, really dead." -- Jarrod Van Kirk

"Let's investigate the tower." -- the group
"Actually, it's more of an underground area." -- GM Ian
"That's not much of a tower." -- Matthew Richardson
"No, no it's not. It's an anti-tower." -- GM Ian

"I throw Pussy on her back and spin it." -- Jameson Smythe to the group

"Manuever 37A. Get 'em." -- GM J.P. to the group

"I'm going to stab you with my arrows. I paid points for these." -- Michael Curry to the group, mocking Jameson Smythe

"I'm taking this corridor on the right. Who's coming with me?" -- Jameson Smythe

"It's raining lead." -- GM Ian, describing the hail of bullets
"Hallelujah." -- Jarrod Van Kirk and Matthew Richardson, sung to the tune of "It's Raining Men"

"You might want to consider teamwork on this one." -- GM ? to the group

"I'll use my grappling hook to climb up." -- Jameson Smythe to GM
"And the demons say, 'Piñata.'" -- Matthew Richardson

"Sins of the Father / "Blood on the Pattern" by Chris Salzer

Children of Chaos. Your heritage was realized upon finding the ancient ruins of Amber. You have each had to make hard decisions as to what your life means now that you know the truth. The House of Barimen now seems like a facade, a place of lies, much like the whole of Chaos. At what cost has the Truth been revealed to you. You felt it in your soul when Rethwyn's blood spilled across the Pattern. Now Benedict has commanded you to retrieve the Eye of the Serpent and aid him in repairing the stain. Betray all of Chaos, all that you have known and loved for this weakly shining light in a world forgotten by most.

A rescue mission to save a home you have never known. To pluck the Eye from the Heart of Chaos and return to set the universe right again. When do the Children stop paying for the sins of their Fathers?

Cast of Characters

Darrell Butler:Loki Barimen
George Gitari:Bain

"This is all your fault! You brought it up in conversation, made me think about it, made me verbalize it -- and now I care! So now I have to do something about it." -- Bain
"My job is done". -- Loki

Unknown campaign

Cast of Characters

?:Prince Edmond
?:Prince Johann

"Hey you, get Prince Victor - his father is dead, he should at least have the decency to come have breakfast." -- Prince Edmond to ?

"Well, we'll figure that out after we eat and find out what he died of." -- Prince Johann to ?

"Well, we have a suit to bury him in." -- Chunam to ?, on finding Corwin's clothing

"(Cat's) going to piss on his grave, too." -- GM
"She's going to have to get in line.... Heck, you should build an outhouse on top of it." -- Lucas

Slot 4

"And the Children Shall Lead" by Jack Kessler and Karen Groves

Let's try to find out what this whole mess has been about together, shall we? Watch the universe unfold before your very eyes, as the layers of unreality are stripped back to reveal.... Well, that would be telling. :-) Potentially the last chapter in this continuing campaign.

Cast of Characters

Deb Atwood:Amery
J.P. Brannan:Meggan
Felicia Knight Olson:Gabrielle
Scott Olson:Boran
Brian Stanley:Brendon
T. Michaël Trout:Bran
Scott Whitney:Michael

"Hey, wait a minute, the ditzes are sitting next to each other again." -- Deb Atwood
"Well, if we separate them, the half a brain they share has to be tossed back and forth between them." -- Scott Whitney

"So, the plan with the highest chance of success is DIE?" -- J.P. Brannan to the group

"You know, I'm not that ditzy." *pause* "And now I have a second brain to work with." -- Gabrielle to ?

"The average Leviathan has how many pounds of undigested reality in it?" -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"Is that what the list in my notes means??" -- J.P. Brannan to the group, after finding the rather important list of seven artifact bindings from last year

"That's not necessarily true. GMs are whimsical." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"There is nothing wrong with GMs that arguing with them cannot exacerbate." -- Scott Whitney to the group

"We can erase Caine's Pattern without killing him, can't we?" -- Gabrielle
"Of course we can. We have at least one brother to spare." -- Michael

"I can Trump (Mikos)." -- Meggan
"Perhaps you'd better, and stash him in one of your traps." -- Michael
"That's not a bad idea." -- Meggan

"By process of elimination, we're running out of places to go. So we'll eventually get to someplace where we can do something." -- Brian Stanley to ?

"What do you want to do tonight Leviathan? Same thing we do every night, Bran. Try to swallow the universe." -- GM Jack to the group

"I brought carrots and dip and enough to share." -- Deb Atwood
"You were here already. We had the dip." -- Scott Whitney

"I say a single word." -- Michael
"Shit." -- GM Jack

"Where's Caine?" -- Amery, standing at Caine's Pattern
"He probably can't keep up with it." -- GM Karen
"Cabbie, follow that Pattern!" -- GM Jack

"I want to hurt things! Don't let Meggan hurt everything before I get the chance!" -- Amery to ?

"This isn't about saving the universe, this is about beating things up! I can do this!" -- Scott Whitney to the group, quoting Amery's thoughts

"He possessed Greyswandir. Let's see how you like it!" -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"The demons part." -- GM Jack
"Some of them involuntarily." -- Scott Whitney

"It's snowing pink tutus!" -- GM Jack to ?, upon looking out the window

"Your ass is on fire." -- GM Jack to ?

"It gets easier after the last veil." -- GM Jack
"You mean the first veil." -- ?
"You mean the only one." -- ?

"Metaphysical torque gets you every time." -- GM Jack to ?

"Who is Caine talking to?" -- Scott Whitney
"Julian's armor." -- GM Karen

"And if anyone looks down and thinks they are going to fall, they will. So don't." -- GM Karen to the group

"Is it too late to go vote for oblivion?" -- Brian Stanley to the group

"Correct me if I am wrong, but (Gabrielle) is insane, right?" -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"That's because not all of us did something stupid." -- Gabrielle to ?

"Be careful with it. Don't put it in your head." -- Michael
"Thank you, Michael. I'll keep that out of mind." -- Caine

"The Great Game" by Scott Acker

"Amber - with rivets!" High Adventure in the Amber Steam Age. You had been stationed at a key position in our supply lines during the invasion of Chaos. Too young and inexperienced to be used at the front, you cooled your heels taking care of an important but unsatisfying task. After the storm that ripped through reality after Patternfall, many things were, well, different. Imagine an Amber where technology is powered by steam engines, where people are civilized to one another, where dragons, magick and faerie races coexist with technological marvels, where dastardly villains and criminal masterminds plot to take over the one true world, and where the decent folk of the family thwart their every move. You are knee-deep in this place from the moment you arrive. What has happened to the backstabbing, conniving people you knew and loved?

Cast of Characters

Simone Cooper:Daniel, son of Random
Chris ?:Malachi, son of Caine
Rachel ?:Orinda, daughter of Caine

"What's formal around here?" -- Ephram
"If you can still breathe, it's not formal enough." -- Daniel

"The GM looks tired." -- Chris ?
"From our angle he looks predatory." -- Simone Cooper

"You're so...icky." -- Simone Cooper to ?

"She's blind." -- Malachi
"So this is a blind date." *pause* "It's a random match." -- Random

"Only with more weapons can we achieve peace." -- Orlinda to ?

"Mirror, Mirror, Burning Bright" by Jennifer Jackson and Blake Moorcroft

The universe is young; the Pattern is young; in fact, everything you know is but early in time's progression...anything is possible and all is right with Oberon's First Generation. But there's a touch of restlessness...a sense that all is not quite what one would expect in reality...and then you begin to notice things...that do not quite ring true.

"The Serpent says, 'oh, crap', and runs away." -- GM to ?

"Murky Waters: A Rebman Throne War" by Kristen Gibbs, Guy Gascoigne-Piggford and David de Jong

Moire is dying, with no heir. She has her preferences, but they are likely to be washed away by public opinion and the force of private powers. Who will rule in Rebma? Llewella, by sister's rule? Martin -- if he could be found -- by blood? Or someone from the Royal Family of Amber?

Cast of Characters

Carrie Amodio:Caine
Lucas Amodio:Manannan
Lisamarie Babik:Gérard
Dana Bayer:Margaret
Kris Fazzari:Brigit, Sean's twin sister
Jim Groves:Siobrhrach
Brian Heacox:Llewella
Cal Rea:Scarn
Jeff Trumitch:Sean, Brigit's twin brother
Jarrod Van Kirk:Dylan
Edwin Voskamp:Eric

"There, I spent my ten points." -- Cal Rea
"What did you get?" -- Jarrod Van Kirk
"I built a construct." -- Cal Rea

"We all trust Caine, and we all go through the Trump." -- Llewella to GM David, uttering a sentence almost never heard in an Amber game

"Well, you've just died and come back to life. It feels kind of tingly." -- GM Dave to Sean

"Hey, I exploded the head of the last Regent, I should get to be Regent." -- Gérard to the group

"...and if I become King..." -- Caine
"You mean Regent." -- Gérard
"Oh yeah." -- Caine

"ShadowQuest" by Jeremy Zimmerman

Based off the Chronicles of Amber by Roger Zelazny, the hit 80's TV show, ShadowQuest attracted a large cult following. Its following did not stop it from being cancelled after a two-year run, however, and its principal stars have been unable to get a decent acting job since. Some have been able to land off-off-off Broadway roles or similar fare, but most have had to make due with guest appearances at science fiction conventions or Ambercons filled with fans of the series and (shudder) role-players.

Cast of Characters

Sarah Kindred:Dale Courtney, actress who played Lintra
?:Lance ?, actor who played Corwin
?:Nick McGregor, actor who played Gérard
?:Miranda Richardson, actress who played Deirdre
?:Violet Simmons, actress who played ?

"It was a mysterious drool pounding." -- ? to ?, describing how the creator of Shadowquest died

"What was the sex scene like with Benedict?" -- fan
"Well there is an amazing thing called covers. As I recall, he was wearing sweat pants." -- Dale Courtney

"What was the Tir like?" -- fan to Lance
"It's like riding bicycles." -- Jennifer ?

"Lance gained the most notoriety overall with the least amount of effort." -- Violet Simmons to ?

"Do steroids make your penis shrink?" -- fan to ?

"Lance is like a bicycle." -- Nick McGregor
"Nice to ride but a car is better." -- Miranda Richardson

"It seems to work. Take my finger and pull." -- Nick McGregor to ?

"Is there anyone who didn't guess what the answer would be?" -- GM
"That's what I thought." -- GM

"Look, this thing vibrates!" -- Brand to ?, holding out his sword

"We need someone with military experience to organize the troops." -- Dale Courtney
"I have some experience with flower arranging." -- Miranda Richardson

"I'm just picturing this, the two Morgensterns, circling each other and sniffing each other's butts." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"Where are you?" -- Lance, receiving his first Trump call
"I am apparently at the end of season one." -- Miranda Richardson

"I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore." -- Lance
"I have the flying monkeys to prove it." -- Brand

"When someone asks if you are the Shadow of Corwin, say yes!" -- ? to Lance

"It's not your Brand, its an offbrand," -- Despil to ?

"Then you'll learn that Corwin is really first in endurance." -- GM to ?

"People, I have the Jewel, I don't make my own sandwiches." -- Fiona to the group

"Hi, I'm Larry." -- GM to ?

Slot 5

"Don't Chew with Your Hellmouth Open" by Valerie Kessler

The end of high school looms nigh for the Sunnydale High Class of '99; and what with prom, graduation, college applications, and the prospect of the Mayor becoming a demon and destroying everything in sight, you'd think you have enough to worry about, wouldn't you? Nah. The world doesn't work that way. In fact, you're about to meet some pretty strange people who say the world as you know it isn't even real, but just a "Shadow." And they have some interesting things to tell you about the origins of the Slayer, what happened to Angel on his trip to Hell, just who the Watchers' Council thinks they are anyway, and how that "one girl in all the world" thing went a little wonky in this generation. Trouble is, they may not all tell you the same things. Who do you believe (if anyone)? And what are you going to do about it?

Cast of Characters


"If a Hellbitch falls in a sewer does she make a sound?" -- GM to ?

"What do unicorns, the real world, 'blood of Amber,' that drawing, and talking to your father (who is dressed in positively medieval clothing) on a playing card, have to do with my stomach?" -- Cordelia to ?

"Yes, well I think anything that involves not being sucked into Hell is worth pursuing." -- Giles to ?

"I am in favor of not being sucked into Hell." -- Cordelia to ?

"The New Courts" by Scott Whitney

Most of you split up last session, headed into the seas, the skies, the mountain, the lens. There is much to be found out, and much to be found by...

Cast of Characters

J.P. Brannan:Meghan/Ruby Brand and Jasra
Michael Curry:Nicodemus/Pearl Deirdre
Jennifer Jackson:Darryn/Ruby Benedict
Ian Ng:Catriona/Ruby Corwin
Terry O'Brien:Brigid/Emerald Fiona
T. Michaël Trout:Bran/Lapis Brand
Cliff Winnig:Ciaran/Jet Brand and Jasra

"'Maybe you should put your pants on if you're going to save the world today.'" -- J.P. Brannan quoting "Mystery Men" to Nicodemus, as Nicodemus goes out to check on a noise in the night

"Have you Trumped anyone?" -- ?
"No, not yet. That would have been a great idea, but I panicked." -- Nicodemus

"On the one hand, there's really no one more trustworthy than Brand. On the other hand, there's really no one less trustworthy than Brand." -- J.P. Brannan to the group

"Please refine your question. Leviathan understands, the GM needs clarification." -- GM to ?

"Power Play" by Cathy Klessig

Bring or make a young adult Amberite or Chaosian, who does not work and play well with others...the kind Aunt Fiona thinks should go stand in the corner. How seriously you take the corner -- and what condition it's in at the end -- are strictly your affair. Heads we do "The Breakfast Club," tails we do "Apocalypse Now"...and it'll probably stand on its edge.

Cast of Characters


"I wish you hadn't finished the rest of the Pepto." -- Afra (with a grimace) to Sserella

"We are all agreeing that 'bang' is bad." -- everyone in chorus to the exploded Fitz

"I'm mentally glaring at your section of my mind!" -- Lorelai to disembodied Fitz

"A Swiftly Tilting Amber" by Sarah Kindred

"Three out of five Brands agree!" that characters must be Benedict, Bleys, or Brand. No exceptions. Preference given to returning characters. No limitation on age, time, place in the cosmos, or multiverse version, however.

Cast of Characters

James Arnoldi:Benedict [Basic Benedict]
Jennifer Crice:Brand Y [Serial Killer Brand]
John Davies:Benedict ? [Benedict Eastwood]
Joe Filippini:Benedict # [Benedict, Lord Barimen]
George Gitari:Benedict dot [Salty Dog Benedict, also informally known as the Dread Pirate Benedict]
D.J. Hyland:Bleys of Clubs [Bleys the Red]
Blake Moorcroft:Brand X [Broken Dworkin Brand]
Jill Pritts:Bleys of Spades [Young Bleys in Love]
Michael Schloss:Brand Z/Benedict 1.5 [Brandedict]
Lucya Szachnowski:Bleys of Hearts [Lady Bleys]
Tim White:Bleys of Diamonds [Surfer Bleys, Dood]

"Away wenches, I must do battle...or possibly brunch." -- Bleys of Clubs to ?

"Morgenstern, beloved of Julian, who loves his horse MORE than wenches." -- Bleys of Clubs to ?

"Benedict 1.5, where are you when Morgenstern steals you?" -- GM
"I am in the desert of Shadow Avalon, training my legion of war-lobsters." -- Brand Z/Benedict 1.5

"I fear Corwin started at the beginning of the alphabet. He may commit suicide next." -- ? to ?

"Ah, poor Julian, your death has been avenged." -- Bleys of Clubs
"He says he's not dead yet." -- Brand X

"Morgenstern, what is it?" -- Benedict ?
*whinny* -- Morgenstern
"What? There is another unstoppable threat to Amber? Lead on!" -- Benedict ?

"Dude, it's Morgenstern." -- Bleys of Diamonds
"Bleys of Diamonds is played by Keanu Reeves...." -- Benedict #

"You're riding Morgenstern on the beach, crashing through the waves...this is like a cigarette commercial." -- GM to Bleys of Diamonds

"This is the fastest horse of the universe." -- GM
"Man, this feels so good between the legs...." -- Bleys of Diamonds
"That's why Julian keeps him." -- ?

"You will seduce your brother? That is a fine plan..." -- Bleys of Clubs to Bleys of Hearts

"We are so cool." -- Bleys of Diamonds
"Yay verily." -- Bleys of Clubs

"Amberites rots slowly." -- GM
"Is that some kind of endorsement?" -- Benedict dot

"Do you kill people you slay in battle?" -- Benedict 1.5 to Benedict dot

"(Bleys of Diamonds) has been instructing me in the ways of his language...Dude." -- Bleys of Clubs to ?

"Would everyone speak up who still trusts Fiona?" -- Bleys of Clubs to the group

"We figured out that it wasn't Gérard - you guys figured that out quite easily." -- Bleys of Diamonds, pointing to the rest of the group
"Yeah, by sifting his brain through a Moulinex." -- Brand X

"Is Lady Bleys staying here?" -- Brand X
"Why of course." -- Bleys of Hearts
"Brand is staying!!!" -- Brand X
"Oh my god...Brand's got a crush on me...eww." -- Bleys of Clubs
"Dude...I'VE got a crush on me!" -- Bleys of Diamonds
"Oh my god...I'm so glad I'm staying." -- Bleys of Hearts

"Why were you training war-lobsters?" -- ?
"Hey, this is Brand...what the hell does he know about warfare?" -- Brand Z/Benedict 1.5

Slot 6

"Dominance" by John Davies

Submission brought pain. Pain brought hope. Hope brought light. But light, like the flicker of a candle in the night, can be so ephemeral. Now the darkness eats at the soul of the Last Amber, beats at the walls of the crumbling castle; The King of Cards seeks his final sacrifice. Where once Submission brought hope, now only Domination can make that Candle of Hope a Burning Beacon for the Future. But can you step back having once tasted the beauty? Can you dominate without stepping into the void that is in your soul? The King of Cards dwells within that void and beckons to the weak. A dark game at the End of All Ambers. This is a crossover game and a sequel to last year's "Submission" game. Knowledge of last year's game is not required. Please note that this game will be exploring dark adult themes and is recommended for broad minded players.

Cast of Characters

Anne Delekta:Sin
Brian Heacox:Simone
D.J. Hyland:Daimon
Sarah Kindred:Connla
Jill Pritts:Fayne
Mike Schloss:Medraut
Lucya Szachnowski:Princess Katrina

"This Pattern isn't made of blood. It's made from...other fluids." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"The last game was Submission; we just came back this year because we were expected to." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"One whip, two women, and 58 points of warfare." -- D.J. Hyland to the group

"Warfare is good for something. When you walk into the room, you immediately know where all of the sex toys are. And how to use them." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"Having sex with your cousins is one thing, but having an orgy with your parents is a little steep." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"The Doom That Came to Amber" by Jeremy Zimmerman

"Many years has it been since I visited that sleepy New England town of Amber, with its gabled roofs, its baroque churches, and the timeless campus of Oisen University, whose scholarly facades hide tomes with dark and unspeakable mysteries. No, I have not returned to the dark little town since that ill-fortuned October day that the Doom came to Amber...."

Inspired by DC Comic's "The Doom That Came to Gotham" and Roger Zelazny's A Night in the Lonesome October, this game casts the players as the prominent residents and visitors to the town of Amber, Massachusetts, working towards the day when the stars align and the Elder Gods may return. Some seek to stop the return, some seek to aid, while others have agendas of their own.

"Here, eat something. You look like hell." -- Gérard shoving a plate of food at an undead Corwin

"Men in Green" by Wendi Strang-Frost

You were hand selected by Prince Caine to be part of his elite group of operatives. Your mission? Help Caine keep Amber safe from the scum of the Universe, and there's more than one Universe to deal with here...

Cast of Characters

J.P. BrannanAgent Orange
Kris Fazzari:Agent M
Patrick Franklin:Agents Gemini
Sean Frost:Agent Tilde (~)
Ian Ng:Agent Y
Matthew Richardson:Agent Pound (#)

"And I give the official (Men in Green) recognition signal." -- Agent Tilde to GM
"Which is 'Hi!'" -- Kris Fazzari and J.P. Brannan, in unison

"I'm a senior agent." -- Agent Tilde to the group
"That's señor agent." -- Ian Ng, punning badly

"What's the minimum score necessary to operate a pen?" -- J.P. Brannan
"Score nothing, (Agent Pound) has no fingers! -- Ian Ng

"One more thing, Agent Y. You'll be leading this mission." -- Agent Alpha to Agent Y
"Great, that means they don't expect any of us to come back alive." -- Kris Fazzari
"(Agent Pound) will come back." -- Matthew Richardson
"(He) wasn't alive to begin with!" -- Sean Frost

"Do not paint a smiley face on Agent Pound. Otherwise you will find out how he got his name." -- GM
"He put on his angry eyes!" -- Ian Ng

"What kind of hostile environment are you looking for?" -- GM
"Alternate atmospheres: pollution and corrosion." -- Agent Orange
"OK. So you're in New Jersey." -- GM

"Agent Tilde, please report to the briefing room." -- loudspeaker
<Agent Y puts his head in his hands, recalling his last adventure with Tilde>
"He's having an ass-back." -- Sean Frost to the group

"She's wearing camouflage and has a bandana around her head." -- Kris Fazzari to the group, describing Agent M
"It's M-bo!" -- Ian Ng

"...and regulation sunglasses which he never takes off." -- J.P. Brannan to the group, describing Agent Orange
"Which he can't take off." -- Sean Frost

"Does the briefing have any idea how to counter the psycho-kinetic powers of Hostile 39476?" -- Agent Orange
"Shoot it." -- Agent M
"Squish it." -- Agent Pound

"What is (Agent Pound) thinking when (he) looks at the (neuralizer Trump trap)?" -- GM
"He doesn't think!" -- Matthew

"(Agent M's) wearing a camo mini-skirt and halter top." -- Kris Fazzari
"Did you just fall out of a trailer park in Taylor?" -- Lisamarie Babik

"The readings are off the scale." -- GM to Agent Orange
"So is Tilde." -- Sean

"Does Tilde have to wash himself with a rag on a stick?" -- Lisamarie Babik to the group

"Are you going to lie face down?" -- GM
"Hell no, I've got more dignity than that." -- Agent Tilde
"Babies suffocate that way. You don't want Sudden Agent Death Syndrome." -- Lisamarie Babik

"R&D, we'll need some grease. I'm sure we can make Frank fit." -- Agent Orange to GM

"The Rebman Secret Service has nothing to worry about." -- Kris Fazzari to the group, regarding which group is better

"You see something you've never seen before." -- GM to Agent M
"Tilde's waist?" -- Sean Frost
"No, Tilde's toes." -- GM
"No, that's something Tilde's never seen before." -- Sean Frost

"If (Agent Orange) had true luck, would (he) be with this group?" -- Kris Fazzari to J.P. Brannan

"I want to squish this one. I never get to squish anything." -- Agent Pound to GM

"I kick Frank." -- Agent Pound
"He moans a little." -- GM
"He was bad." -- Agent Pound

"I keep where my eyes would be on Frank." -- Agent Pound to GM

"There's no explosive decompression." -- GM
"Good. 'Cause that would suck." -- Sean Frost

"(Gemini's) a whiz at everything but math." -- GM
"He can only count in multiples of two." -- Kris Fazzari

"Through the Looking Glass" by Scott Acker

It is the night of the Great Conjunction. Those interested in such things have come to see the shimmering city of Tir-na Nog'th, expected to be more 'real' than seen in a generation. With hushed voices and awe everyone waits for the moon to break through. Some are ready to mount the ghost stairs to that mysterious place to ask their questions and see the wonders of the City of Spirit and Light. There, the light breaks through, only it's not there. Tir is gone! Random, perplexed but not particularly worried, asks you to look into it.

Cast of Characters


"Did she eat Random? And she seemed like such a nice girl." -- Hayden to ?

Slot 7

"Blaze of Glory 6" by Sol Foster and Chris Kindred

Bleys' private Shadow is a playground of swashbuckling adventure. But Bleys is missing, and the outside world cannot learn of it. Can our heroes carry out the impersonation of a lifetime?

Cast of Characters

Anne Devlin:Marian Ravenwood
Kris Fazzari:Lorianne, AKA "The Pirate Queen"
Joe Filippini:Otto Fromm
Sean Frost:Rámon
Bill Gulstad:Cyrano Savinien Hercule de Bergerac
R.F. McCaughey:Yves St. Laurant-Seaway
Jill Pritts:Bridget O'Malley
Andy Ransom:Lewis Mercer, AKA "The Spider"
Cal Rea:Philippe
Matthew Richardson:Maggie O'Donnell, AKA "The Flying Nun"
Wendi Strang-Frost:Eddie
Liz Trumitch:Jayne Green, AKA "Plain Jayne"
Cal Westray:Amos Hunter

"It's hard to clutch my picture of Bleys and masturbate at the same time." -- Jayne to the group

"I am in charge of France!" -- Philippe
"Only because no one else wanted it." -- GM Chris

"I saved Bleys' girlfriend's ass!" -- Jayne to the group
"What about the rest of her?" -- Sean Frost
"All he wanted was her ass." -- Kris Fazzari

"I am starting to build a giant wine pipeline (from France) to England." -- Philippe to GM Sol
"And there are all these Frenchmen attached to the pipe, like leeches." -- Matthew Richardson

"(At the tournament), there will be fencing." -- GM Sol
"Yes!" -- Bleys' Elite Guard
"Jousting." -- GM Sol
"Yes!" -- Bleys' Elite Guard
"Biplane racing." -- GM Sol
"Yes!" -- Bleys' Elite Guard
"Dancing." -- Matthew Richardson

"Your resources are all being poured into the English Channel wine pipeline." -- GM Chris to Philippe
"Philippe is a victim of his own success." -- R.F. McCaughey

"So there's the party Bleys and the dueling Bleys." -- Lorianne
"You will need a lover Bleys." -- Rámon, volunteering

"One of us should not be Bleys, to avoid suspicion." -- Maggie to the group

"They'll know something is wrong if they see more than one Bleys, but they'll never suspect the problem is that there is no Bleys." -- Sean Frost to the group

"The only thing that matters is that I am better than Rámon." -- Lorianne to the group
"There are many people who take comfort in that." -- Joe Filippini

"Maggie, how would you like to fire an automatic cannon?" -- Eddie
"Oh, but I'm going to the dance." -- Maggie

"If I can do it on a train going 60 miles an hour, surely I can do it on an airplane wing." -- Jayne to the group

"They're building me the dress of death. It has room underneath it for the methane tanks for the parasol that shoots flames." -- Maggie to the group

"I only involve my men in the truly nasty stuff." -- Jayne
"That would be your poetry, then." -- GM Chris

"Can we enter Maggie?" -- Eddie to GM Sol
"What are you entering Maggie with?" -- Kris Fazzari
"I thought she was a nun?" -- Anne Devlin
"Apparently not anymore." -- Kris Fazzari

"Can you do explosive earrings?" -- Maggie
"We can blow your head off." -- Eddie

"Philippe's plan on holding southern France is to make it so bad that no one else will want it." -- Kris Fazzari
"He's succeeding." -- GM Chris

"That's it, the GM and the villain are fleeing." -- GM Chris
"Yes! We win!" -- the players

"Maybe Rámon should enter the swimming contest. He's had enough practice with Lorianne throwing him overboard." -- Sean Frost
"They won't believe (Rámon) is a Spaniard, though. (He's) too clean." -- Kris Fazzari

"There's going to be famine in southern France in a few months." -- Kris Fazzari
"Yes, but England will drink well!" -- Cal Rea

"The pipeline is made up of aged oak so the wine does not lose its flavor." -- Philippe to GM Sol
"So Philippe is going to starve southern France and deforest all of Europe." -- Kris Fazzari

"We can grease the nun!" -- Philippe
"If my nemesis shows up, I'm going to be in so much trouble!" -- Maggie

"Tech Chef. Here's a rock, a piece of a string and some tin. Build a clockwork man. You must use the string." -- GM Chris to the group, explaining one of the more esoteric contests

"We have dueling Bleys, and party Bleys." -- Kris Fazzari
"And Malibu Bleys." -- Sean Frost
"That's Rámon." -- Kris Fazzari

"And there you are in the tiny little vest-pocket central European country of Lyons. Which somehow is on the coast." -- GM Chris to the group

"There are signs being dropped on Lyons from the airship that say, 'Future site of southern France.'" -- GM Chris to the group

"There is a beautiful, scenic town with lots of pretty little shops..." -- GM Chris
"Oh, this place must go." -- Philippe
"Let's destroy it as we land." -- Maggie

"That's one way to describe Jayne. 'Interesting'" -- Kris Fazzari
"In the Chinese curse sort of way." -- GM Chris

"So you're flying from Southern France to Lyons firing at random topiaries along the way?" -- GM Chris to Philippe

"You didn't warn me about the crew launcher!" -- GM Chris to GM Sol

"My villains have more respect for life." -- GM Chris
"That's OK, we only launched Rámon." -- Kris Fazzari

"I've got the cannon, I've got the dress of the death, I've got the crew launcher and I've got God on my side." -- Maggie
"Not after you put on the thong, honey." -- GM Chris

"I'm on my viewing deck with my scepter of office." -- Philippe
"That's a wrench." -- R.F. McCaughey
"No, it's the control rod from a train." -- Cal Rea

"There's no way the villains can kill us as fast as we can kill ourselves." -- Bill Gulstad to the group

"I brought little Rámon." -- Rámon to GM Sol
"Isn't little Rámon attached to you?" -- Wendi Strang-Frost

"When (the brass box) is ours, you can draw it." -- Matthew Richardson to Wendi Strang-Frost
"When it's yours, it'll be broken." -- GM Chris

"This is my sister, Maggie. She's from Ireland." -- Philippe, self-proclaimed Emperor of Southern France, to Rubel

"Rubel's being dragged around by an armor-plated madwoman." -- GM Chris
"She's not armor-plated, she's wearing pink." -- Maggie

"I throw a grenade at Gustav!" -- Philippe to GM Chris
"And the destruction begins." -- Kris Fazzari

"You only hurt the ones you love." -- Eddie to the group, after braining Philippe with her measuring tape

"You mean Jayne isn't wearing red hot pants?" -- GM Chris
"Rámon is." -- Sean
"I think the GM just took SAN loss." -- GM Chris

"So Eddie is slowly letting the air out of Philippe?" -- Kris Fazzari to Wendi Strang-Frost

"The sailing competition will happen, assuming we don't find a way to destroy the ocean." -- Bill Gulstad to the group

"Southern France declares war on Gustav. Not his country, just Gustav." -- Wendi Strang-Frost to the group

"I must help Eddie. Or Philippe. Probably Philippe, he wants to blow things up." -- Jayne to GM Sol

"It's a big, black thing that's not ours. Or black." -- Jayne to Eddie and Philippe

"Something's going on and I'm going to start killing people." -- Rámon to GM Chris

"Rámon is my friend. Ever since I joined the guard, Rámon has made me feel...superior." -- Yves defending Rámon to the group

"What was that explosion?" -- Maggie
"It was Señora Captain's temper." -- Rámon

"We're sort of like the Dirty Pair, only there's more of us." -- Sean Frost to the group

"We destroy more accidentally before breakfast..." -- GM Sol
"Then most people destroy in a life time." -- Jill Pritts

"You know what the punishment is in the Guard for slaughtering our allies?" -- Lorianne
"Promotion?" -- Rámon

"This is the dagger (Rámon) got stabbed with before, right?" -- the Spider
"Yeah, and that's a real sore spot." -- GM Chris

"All I have is a sprained ankle and a lot of singeing." -- Jayne to the group, summing up her injuries

"You know, if our ships leave, the only way out of here will be to take over the Kingdom." -- Philippe to the group

"You have a cavalry chase going on, Sol. The others can interfere in the chase." -- GM Chris to GM Sol
"I have a sprained ankle." -- Jayne
"I have a broken leg." -- Eddie

"Every year around Rámon is like ten with anyone else." -- GM Chris to the group

"Some stupid man said, 'Be quiet woman,' and I had to shoot him." -- Jayne to the group

"Are you sure more destruction is called for now?" -- Cyrano
"Well, you can't half do a job." -- Maggie

"We'll see how your negotiations with the Prince go." -- Lorianne
"Not too well, given that these guys are about to bomb the castle." -- Jayne

"I'm going to put a knife to the Prince's throat to get him to listen to me." -- Jayne to GM Sol
"Oh, that kind of negotiating." -- Kris Fazzari

"Children of Babylon" by Kristen Gibbs

Long ago, Caine killed Abel. He tried to deny it, he hid the body, but God knew. Caine was cursed and banished from Eden. The story does not end there. Caine left Eden for the land of Nod, where he founded the city of Enoch, and had a family. His children became the dynasty that ruled over the land for hundreds of years. Enoch, called Babylon by others, was a wondrous city, the center of the world. Now, you children of Caine, there are signs that Yahweh is coming. What will you do when God arrives?

Cast of Characters

Simone Cooper:Irad, god of strength, weather and battle
David de Jong:Naamah, god of information, lies and bureaucracy
Guy Gascoigne-Piggford:Enoch, god of justice, vengeance and truth
Valerie Kessler:Tubal, god of chance, money and trade
John Schippers:Mehujael, god of dreams, night and sleep
Michael Schloss:Seth, demigod of travellers, nomads and shepherds
Paul Weimer:Adah, god of passion, fire and the arts

"The mighty fighting force of cranky shepherds!" -- Simone Cooper to the group

"I have the beasts of burden, the dogs of war, and all weasels and ermine." -- Irad to the group

"'Frankly'? Can you even utter that word?" -- Irad
"I can be frank. Can you be peaceful?" -- Naamah
"I can be peaceful." -- Irad
"Then I can be frank." -- Naamah

"So, are we going to say madmen are holy, then?" -- Irad
"Not all of them. If they're sitting around eating bugs, they're not mine." -- Mehujael

"I think there should be mad holy men wandering the countryside." -- Mehujael
"Not so much touched by God as slapped." -- Enoch

"I'm inspiring a great contest of sports, with tossing of heavy objects." -- Irad
"You mean each other." -- Enoch

"I had to seek Enoch's advice to prepare the bottles properly." -- Irad
"The bottles?" -- Adah
"The battles. To bottle the battles." -- Irad

"I don't understand what (Enoch) knows, but..." -- Irad to ?
"Neither does Enoch." -- Guy Gascoigne-Piggford

"Somebody get the god of war a Ritalin." -- Tubal to the group

"Naamah is a powerful god. He's influenced the GM." -- Enoch to the group

"Are you making sheep jokes again?" -- Seth
"The sheep jokes are self-perpetuating." -- Tubal

"I rule everybody for one-third of the day. That's fine." -- Mehujael
"That's more than most people will in their godlike lifetime." -- Irad

"I wonder why they choose now to come?" -- Enoch
"I do not wonder." -- Irad
"You do not care." -- Tubal
"You chose wisely for a Sunday game." -- Enoch

"Before my coming." -- Naamah
"Before makeup?" -- Irad, mis-hearing
"Before makeup! When everyone..." -- Mehujael
"...looked the same in the morning!" -- Irad

"But (Father) has us. And they do not have such as us." -- Adah
"No, but they have a horde." -- Tubal

"I don't like it when the GM is giggling." -- Tubal
"It may be that one of our brothers is already doing that." -- Naamah

"Well, (Father) wasn't sleeping when I saw him, because I talked to him." -- Enoch
"You could have talked to him, but it wouldn't have done much good." -- Tubal

"We should build a great wall like the prow of a ship with a great ram's head on it. Then it will split their forces, and we can hide behind it and whack them on the head with a big stick!" -- Irad
"God of battle. Not tactics." -- Naamah

"Perhaps we will dream." -- Naamah
"Oh, no perhaps about it." -- Mehujael

"That is the dream that you all have. There are different details, because of all your personalities, but you all dream of battle." -- GM
"Why am I not wearing my tunic?" -- Mehujael

"(The city) is buzzing with a sound you haven't heard for a long time." -- GM
"Baaaaa-aaaaaa!" -- Irad

"What are YOU dreaming about, Tunic Man?" -- Simone Cooper to John Schippers

"So, you're going to be unconscious all day." -- GM to Seth
"He got the sheep to shag each other." -- Irad

"Babylon Needs Women!" -- GM
"Large women!" -- Irad...frequently...with great enthusiasm

"I appoint you god of brewing." -- Mehujael to Seth
"Thank you! I am god of sheep and brewing." -- Seth
"Just make sure to keep the two separate." -- Enoch

"And we will call (the priest) Bill." -- GM
"Further evidence that it is Sunday." -- Valerie Kessler
"Bill is a name. It will serve." -- GM

"I set that up at the beginning of the game. Because I knew I would have pathetic battle plans." -- Irad to ?

"Do we have magicians?" -- Enoch
"No." -- GM
"Can we get some real fast?" -- Enoch

"I know that our father has not been entirely forthwith with us about our godly portfolios." -- Seth
"Our godly portfolios?" -- Irad
"He's nineteen. What do you want?" -- Tubal
"He tries. He really tries." -- GM

"How do I do this mythopoetically?" -- Mehujael
"How often to players say that in your games?" -- GM
"You could take the sand and make it into a, wait, that's not mythopoetic. That's an example of what not to do." -- Irad

"What's Babylonian for 'chill pill'?" -- Enoch to ?

"How many times has Naamah told you that, and then taken all your money in a card game?" -- Irad
"None." -- Tubal

"The Courts in Chaos" by Michael Kucharski

Ongoing campaign.

"We have strange family values like honesty, loyalty, etc..." -- ?
"Yeah, the House of the Unicorn is like the Addams Family of Chaos." -- ?

Slot 8

"A Second Opinion" by Matthew Richardson and Jarrod Van Kirk

Perhaps assaying the Logrus wasn't the wisest idea. Dr. Schloss is certain that your recovery is going splendidly, and that soon you'll be able to return home to Castle Amber. Dr. Frost coldly insists that recovery will only progress after you've abandoned these Amber-centric delusions of grandeur. What is a patient to do when two of Chaos' leading physicians can't agree on a course of treatment? For that matter, who is to say that a Chaosian doctor is right for you? You're an elder of Amber after all...aren't you?

Cast of Characters

J.P. Brannan:?
Sean Frost:Sand
Mike Schloss:Saul

"The first questions that come to you are, 'Why does my head hurt?', 'Why am I upside down?', and 'Whose butt is this?'." -- GM Matt to ?

"On a whim, I Trump myself." -- Sand
"On a whim, you have Trump defence" -- GM Matt

"The Frontal Lobotomy threat: use it or lose it." -- J.P. Brannan to ?

"Snakes! Why Did It Have To Be Snakes?!?" by Sarah Kindred
(AKA "What Really Happened to Avalon")

"From a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you...." Explore the true history of the fall of Avalon as we meet again with Oberon, Lintra, Clarissa, Benedict and the rest. Tune in this year, where you might hear Benedict say, "I'm not going down on the shmoo, I'm going down with the shmoo."

Cast of Characters

Lisamarie Babik:Corwin
Paul Burdick:Benedict
Sasha Burdick:Caine, then Eric
Kris Fazzari:Random
D.J. Hyland:Bleys
Keri King:Brand
Ian Ng:Clarissa
Jill Pritts:Oberon
Duane Spencer:Lintra

"Everyone, I don't run this game. I just ride herd on it." -- GM
"She just straddles it and goes." -- Duane Spencer

"Corwin's off in his Shadow, playing god, stealing women away from the men they love..." -- GM
"I love my job!" -- Corwin

"...Getting fat. Getting laid." -- GM, still describing Corwin's current situation
"Not necessarily in that order." -- Paul Burdick

"I'm perfectly capable of handling myself. And I do so whenever I can't find a woman." -- Random to the group

"I have Alzheimer's." -- Oberon to the group, after he mixes up Benedict and Caine

"Can you find a Shadow where you're worshipped as second-best?" -- Benedict to Bleys

"I worry about Corwin's ability to do anything other than watch 'Days of our Lives.'" -- Oberon to Bleys and Caine

"Dad wants us to set Corwin on fire. With Eric." -- Bleys to Caine
"He wants you to set Corwin ablaze!" -- Paul Burdick

"There's an invisible person involved. I'll bet it's Lintra." -- Benedict to the group

"You feel a Logrus tendril tickle your butt." -- GM
"Fiona!" -- Bleys
"No, it's a Logrus tickle not a French tickler." -- Lisamarie Babik

"Do these pants make my ass look big?" -- Corwin
"It's not the pants." -- everyone else

"And you haven't given me my allowance this week!" -- Bleys
"How old are you?" -- Clarissa
"I'm four!" -- Bleys
"Were you born in a leap year?" -- Lisamarie Babik

"You see a man with a barmaid up against the wall." -- GM
"I already had her." -- Corwin
"Random, you feel an itching, burning sensation." -- GM
"That's OK, I've had my shots." -- Random

"Did the earth move for you too?" -- Random to the barmaid, after the wall collapses behind them

"Are you riding a schmoo or a horse?" -- GM
"I'm riding a schmoo." -- Benedict
"The horse looks better." -- GM

"I knew it was Lintra. I know by the smell." -- Benedict, going through Lintra's lingerie drawer
"Eau de Hellmaid." -- Paul Burdick
"Eau m'god." -- Lisamarie Babik, in her best Valley Girl accent

"A wide-assed but handsome man is checking (Lintra) out." -- Lisamarie Babik to Duane Spencer
"Oh wonderful. Corwin is being played by William Shatner." -- GM
"Lintra in the sky with diamonds." -- Lisamarie Babik, singing

"We always thought Benedict was just epileptic." -- Oberon to the group, regarding Benedict's periodic attacks on invisible opponents

"As long as I'm not sending (the Logrus) through the Pattern room, I'm OK." -- Clarissa to the group

"We're in disguise. You're Rick, I'm Bill." -- Bleys to "Eric" (Oberon in disguise)
"I'm leaving." -- Caine

"I'm throwing him down, saying, 'What's my name, bitch!'" -- Lintra to the group, on how she makes love to Corwin

"Get off!" -- Corwin to Lintra "She's working on it." -- D.J. Hyland

"So now Corwin has a stick of butter: it's a warfare fight!" -- GM to the group, after Corwin summons Greyswandir

"Oh, that must be my invading army. Gotta go!" -- Lintra to Corwin

"I'm sure I've got a spell that will remove someone's clothes. I'm just not sure I want to use it on my brother." -- Random to the group

"We were bored. We thought we'd make your life hell for a little while." -- "Eric" to Corwin

"So that's how Brand figured out the blood on the Pattern trick." -- Kris Fazzari to the group, after Brand starts peeing on the Pattern

"I'm not telling the assassin that he's going to die." -- Caine
"That's always a good idea." -- GM

"There's too many Amberites in this Shadow. Something bad is bound to happen." -- Lintra to the group

"So Benedict's troops are hitting on the Amazons. 'Hey baby, are you cold or are you just happy to see me?'" -- Kris Fazzari
"And there are sounds of slaughter in the streets." -- GM

"We're trying to figure out how to steal the Pattern. We can't roll it up like a carpet." -- Brand to Bleys
"Turn the stone to carpet and then roll it up." -- Ian Ng

"Bleys Barimen SOOPER genius." -- Lisamarie Babik to the group

"Hey, if we can't move the Pattern, maybe we can move the rest of the castle." -- Brand to Bleys

"My children have flunked the test. I'm off to breed some more." -- Oberon to the group

"(I'm) invisibly groping the Amazons." -- Random
"After the second time you almost lose your hand, it occurs to you that maybe this isn't such a good idea." -- GM

"For every three of your men, five of the (Amazons) go down." -- GM to Benedict

"It's not very nice to call your Amazon warriors 'dogs.'" - Ian Ng
"Dey's all bitches." - D.J. Hyland

"(Benedict's) seen those motions before. It's almost like (the Amazons) are fighting an invisible opponent." -- Kris Fazzari, after an invisible Random begins attacking the Amazons
"Except this is a very random motion." -- Paul Burdick

"You notice I've brought in the bit and bridle from my horse." -- Benedict to Clarissa
"That is quite possibly the worst pickup line I've ever heard." -- D.J. Hyland
"He got it from Julian." -- Lisamarie Babik
"It worked with Morgenstern." -- Jill Pritts

"So Benedict is arranging a three-way with his ex-girlfriend and his father's girlfriend." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"You get started. I'll catch up with you." -- Benedict to Corwin
"You two get started. I'll catch up with you. I kind of like to watch." -- Benedict to Clarissa and Lintra, a short time later

"I don't like you." -- Gérard to Brand
"He's smarter than I thought." -- Bleys

"I'm carrying the molasses, a keg of whipped cream, and the bit and bridle." -- Benedict to the group
"The bric-a-brac?" -- Ian Ng, mishearing

"Here's what I call my Pattern sword." -- Benedict
"It's just a Shadow of your father's." -- Clarissa

"I lick myself clean." -- Random to GM
"Who knew Random was so flexible?" -- Lisamarie Babik
"Lots of women." -- Kris Fazzari

"I'm not an invisible opponent, I'm an invisible voyeur." -- Random
"I wasn't expecting invisible voyeurs. Does warfare help with that?" -- Benedict
"No, that's a psyche thing." -- GM

"You set your own city on fire. Children are running down the street screaming." -- GM
"They can shield themselves with dead Amazons." -- Corwin
"The Amazons are on the opposite side of the city." -- GM

"So that's what shapeshifting is for." -- D.J. Hyland, speaking for Random as he watches Lintra, Clarissa and Benedict

"I will withhold my precious bodily fluids." -- Benedict
"I didn't need to know that." -- GM

"Oberon walks into the room." -- GM
"I'd say that's a downer for me." -- Benedict

"I want to teleport (Benedict) to the Amazon island, totally naked and covered in molasses and whipped cream." -- Oberon to GM

"If I'd been thinking, I'd have summoned a dragon to eat the Vikings, instead of setting the city on fire." -- Corwin to the group

"Corwin's not thinking too clearly. He's been drinking." -- everyone, at one time or another

"No son, that's not how you do that. Let me show you." -- Oberon to Benedict, intruding on the threesome

"I teleport myself to the Amazon island. Only mine are friendly Amazons." -- Benedict to GM

"Benedict's gotta sit on the wet spot." -- Lisamarie Babik to the group, after Paul Burdick spills a glass of water

"My next Shadow, I'm not going to let anyone know where it is." -- Corwin to the group

"It's a murder of schmoos." -- Lisamarie Babik, coming up with the plural form of schmoo
"We decided last night that it's an assassination of Amberites." -- GM
"What do you mean, we?" -- D.J. Hyland

"Benedict's standing in front of the mirror, looking to see if his butt's drooping." -- GM
"After an island full of Amazons, something's drooping." -- Duane Spencer
"Suddenly (Corwin's) butt doesn't look so big, does it?" -- Lisamarie Babik

"You have this uneasy feeling, like someone has walked across your grave. But that could be the midlife crisis." -- GM to Benedict

"Where is Corwin's favorite place? I head for the castle." -- Brand
"Are you sure you don't mean the brothel?" -- GM
"Aren't they the same thing?" -- D.J. Hyland

"There are hot marshmallow-covered children running screaming down the street." -- GM to Corwin

"I think the fluffernutter prostitutes beats anything I've seen so far. Except for Julian's blow-up deer." -- GM to the group

"Fluffernutter prostitutes." -- Lisamarie Babik
"Two great tastes in one." -- Jill Pritts
"Bet you can't eat just one." -- Paul Burdick

"Bleys casts his 'find plot' spell." -- D.J. Hyland
"There is no plot. You're destroying the city." -- GM

"If I was looking for Corwin, I'd go the brothel. But I go to the castle." -- Bleys to GM

"I use my warfare to leap out of the way of the falling castle." -- Bleys to GM

"You're trapped under the collapsing castle, and oh yeah, your leg is broken." -- GM
"I regenerate it. I have a ring that will do that." -- Bleys
"OK, you now have a third leg." -- Ian Ng
"You'd think that would let you run 50% faster, but actually, it only slows you down." -- Lisamarie Babik

"Caine, what are you doing?" -- GM
"I'm searching Shadow for myself." -- Caine
"Someone asked you to take out the garbage again, didn't they?" -- GM

"(Caine) went to Caines-R-Us." -- Lisamarie Babik to the group

"I kill (my Shadow)." -- Caine
"You feel vaguely guilty." -- GM
"No, I don't." -- Caine

"I write 'Random' on my Shadow's body and leave it in a gutter." -- Caine
"It's a random killing." -- GM

"The Staypuff Marshmallow Man has been melted down into a pile of molten-hot marshmallow goo." -- GM
"Good, that's taken care of." -- Corwin
"And the marshmallow dragon is now wandering around looking for other things to eat." -- GM
"I'm thinking about having him eat people with red hair." -- Corwin
"I hope someone summons the dragon's natural enemy, the graham cracker knight with a chocolate lance." -- D.J. Hyland

"Gee, the way my day is going you'd think I had 15 points of bad stuff. Oh wait, I do." -- Corwin to the group

"We've been obscene and derogatory, let's try to avoid scatological if we can." -- GM
"Why?" -- Jill Pritts
"To take the high road, if we can." -- Paul Burdick
"Did you miss the first three hours of this game?" -- Lisamarie Babik

"'Benedict' is sprouting wings." -- GM
"There goes that cleverly crafted illusion." -- Kris Fazzari
"Another brilliant plan foiled by your own intelligence." -- Duane Spencer

"Polish the schmoo." -- Benedict to GM
"Is that an euphemism?" -- Lisamarie Babik

"This is (Corwin's) Shadow of desire?" -- Kris Fazzari
"Let's see, he's the center of attention, and he's being tortured. I'd say, 'Yeah!'" -- D.J. Hyland

"If my name's Random, how will I know when you're calling me?" -- Lisamarie Babik to the group

"Eric is going to attack Avalon with demon mimes out of Shadow." -- Sasha Burdick to GM

"Do (the demon mimes) scream when I kill them?" -- Corwin
"No, but they mime great pain." -- GM
"I just trap them all in invisible boxes." -- Corwin

"Fight mime with mime." -- Lisamarie Babik
"Just remember, mime doesn't pay." -- GM
"You should save one, since a mime is a terrible thing to waste." -- Duane Spencer

"I don't have to run faster than the mimes, I have to run faster than the slowest person." -- Random
"You pass a child, covered in molten peanut butter and marshmallow, with burns all over his body, hobbling along." -- GM
"Your pain will be over soon." -- Random

"So now we have fluffernutter children being eaten by demon mimes." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"Are you ready to finish trashing the place?" -- GM to the group
"We all know I can't have nice things." -- Corwin

"I have spawned insidiously evil children. My job is done." -- Clarissa to the group

"We have to get out of here." -- Paul Burdick
"No, I want to destroy Avalon, Daddy!" -- Sasha Burdick

"I don't want to ride a schmoo anymore, I want to ride a mime. I'll be a mimenrider." -- Benedict to GM

"It's the seven plagues." -- GM
"More like the seventeen plagues." -- Corwin
"The plague of mimes, the plague of peanut butter..." -- GM
"Mimes, marshmallows, peanut butter, Furbies, Amazons, Vikings, Langoliers..." -- D.J. Hyland
"Of course, the first plague was the Amberites." -- Duane Spencer

"Mistakes were made." -- Corwin to the group, looking over his burning, marshmallow-covered city as it's being devoured down to the bedrock

Random Quotes from the Con

"There's still 10% of the universe left. That's an awful lot." -- Jack Kessler to J.P. Brannan, about Jack's "And the Children Shall Lead" game

"(The universe) already ate your Shadow. And your brother." -- Jack Kessler
"I'll miss the Shadow." -- J.P. Brannan

"I had 80 points of warfare...I had 80 points of 'I look mean.'" -- Patrick Franklin to Kris Fazzari

"Do you do anything in "Ill Met (in Amber)" except drink and chase after other people?" -- Wendi Strang-Frost
"Well yeah...but I slept through that part...." -- Sarah Kindred


Kris' home page | Kris' RPG page

Counter  Hellriders have passed through here since March 3, 2002.

Done by Kris Fazzari.

Game descriptions taken from the Ambercon 2001 Game Book.

Quotes taken by myself, Deb Atwood, Valerie Kessler, Sarah Kindred, R.F. McCaughey, Blake Moorcroft, Ian Ng, Jill Pritts, Matthew Richardson, Michael Schloss, Cal Westray and many other anonymous donors.

Other web pages with quotes and/or commentary on Ambercon 2004 include:

Cal Westray:Amber DRPG Ambercon 2001

Last modified on April 14, 2009 by Kris Fazzari.

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