Game quotes from "Ill Met in Amber"

This is the city: a hotbed of intrigue, magic, swashbuckling adventure, and intrigue. It's a good place to live. And an easy place to die. A game of swashbuckling noir.

Cast of Characters

J.P. Brannan:Lord Doctor Fionntán Sabatini of the Royal College of Heraldry
Keith Cripe:Hawk, Captain of the City Guard in the suck side of town
Michael Croft:Rodrigo Diaz, Count of Oisenmouth
Michael Curry:Captain Wesley Hobart, Captain of the frigate Raptor, a privateer
Andy Dawson:Harrek, thug-for-hire
Kris Fazzari:Madeline Dumas, Genevieve's identical twin, wine merchant, agent of Amber's Secret Service
Sol Foster:Sean O'Donovan, Commodore in the Royal Navy
William Gulstad:Ambrose del Mar, Admiral High Mage of the Southern Fleet
Kevin Hudson:Father Beyron
Stephanie Itchkawich:Griz the Gray-Eyed, sailor in the Royal Navy
Jennifer Jackson:Elyssa Darcy, the jeweler of which all other jewelers are Shadow
Sarah Kindred:Detective Crown Investigator Abigail Irene Garrett
Michael Kucharski:Nicholas van Alikki, farm boy a la D'Artagnan, professional duelist
Leslie Lightfoot:Weir Leutnant Arryl der Gottswache
Mike Manolakes:Raoul
Sean McCabe:Wrenn, Amber City Watch Detective
Blake Moorcroft:Morgan DeChastellan, Cardinal of the Church of the Unicorn and Chief Inquisitor
Ian Ng:Lugaines, knight ranger in Julian's service
Jill Pritts:Leonne Azure, Rebman Ambassador
Jill Pritts:Genevieve Dumas, Madeline's identical twin, wine merchant, agent of Amber's Secret Service
D.J. Quinn:Lord Varien San Oceal
Michael Schloss:Dane, Captain of the City Guard in the merchant quarters
Glen Seymour:John's Son, sailor in the Royal Navy
Pierre-Alexandre Sicart:Ethan, the toy-maker
Ginger Stampley:Patrice Pinegar, sister-in-law of Juliana
Liz Trumitch:Juliana Pinegar, Duchess of Carlisle
Scott Whitney:Maximillian Feldane, seventh son of a seventh son
Rae Williams:Chastity, brothel madame
Jeremy Zimmerman:Sir Reginald "Reggie" Bayle


Ambercon 2000

"So, (Sean's) the honorable captain. (He's) like Kermit the Frog in Muppet Island." -- John Davies to Sol Foster

"Mind if we sacrifice fudge to the Tiki?" -- Sol Foster
"Fudge for the Tiki! Fudge of the Tiki!" -- Blake Moorcroft

"We figured it said 'Free Rebma' so it was even better." -- John Davies
"Typically it's just 'Cheap Rebma.'" -- Scott Whitney

"How horrifyingly domestic." -- Scott Whitney to the group, watching Jennifer Jackson cross-stitch a bib

"I don't mind if you sit in my lap, but you still can't see my character sheet." -- Scott Whitney to Jennifer Jackson

"His name's Dane, but his other name is Hamlet." -- Blake Moorcroft, punning horribly about Michael Schloss' character
*GROAN* -- everyone
"Omlet, Pans of Denmark!" -- Scott Whitney, quoting the Karamozov Brothers

"I'm not a farm boy! I'm a swordsman!" -- Michael Kucharski, speaking as Nicholas
"No, he's the Dread Pirate Roberts." -- Scott Whitney
"I'M THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS!" -- Michael Kucharski
"Oh, I get it. He's a pathological liar." -- Scott Whitney

"As you who read the e-mail know, some ambassadors are coming to town." -- GM
"Yes, and all the references to intrigue have been replaced by wenching." -- Scott Whitney

"I don't mean to scare you, but the same person has top rank in Strength and Endurance." -- GM
"Victory is mine!" -- Scott Whitney
"No! It's the person who bought no powers." -- Blake Moorcroft, indicating Jennifer Jackson
"Are you kidding? She bought 100 points of Good Stuff!" -- Scott Whitney

"So are you expecting a kid, or is this for a friend?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman, asking Jennifer Jackson about the bib
"Actually, I have one upstairs. We can bring it down here and share." -- Jennifer Jackson, responding to a different question

"Before I torture Sol..."
"While I torture Sol..."
"...while you're doing that, I'll torture Sol."
"I'm going to go back and torture Sol..."
    -- GM, repeatedly throughout the first five minutes of play

"Hey, don't make fun of little Nicky Alikki!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'm top ranked in Stuff, too, right?" -- Scott Whitney
"Yes." -- GM
"VENGENCE IS MINE!" -- Scott Whitney
"I thought it was 'victory?'" -- Sol Foster
"It was." -- Scott Whitney

"Sol, I paid 10 points to have (the GM) give you 10 Bad Stuff." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster

"Swashbuckling-noir, comedy nightly, dark humor on Wednesdays." -- GM
"I thought this was the gay game..." -- Michael Kucharski
"Oh, crap. I'm in the wrong game!" -- Jeremy Zimmerman (switching to Adair mode)
"And here you took exalted wenching. Boy are you going to look stupid." -- Scott Whitney

"You've been gratuitously redecorated by Flora." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster
"You've been Floradated!" -- Blake Moorcroft

"I've got Weird Stuff..." -- Sol Foster to ?

"Actually, your place is as clean as it would be if your servants actually showed up." -- GM
"I should hire these thieves!" -- Sean

"You're not noticing anything missing. In fact, you have more stuff than before. You now have throw pillows." -- GM to Sean

"Redecorating with intent." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'll set a trap! I'll mess up the house and hide in a closet!" -- Sean to the group

"Why wasn't the lawn taken care of?" -- Sol Foster
"Because these are interior decorators." -- Michael Schloss

"The usual bills, 'You may already be an Amberite'..." -- GM to Sean, describing his mail

"You know his dryer is full of socks." -- Andy Dawson
"And none of them match." -- Scott Whitney

"'People are going around redecorating. Solve it.'
'It's annoying Flora.'"
    -- GM to ?, paraphrasing Random

"Best Chinese laundry in all of Shadow. One point personal Shadow. It's Flora's." -- GM to ?

"This takes a while because he's as slow as a glacier." -- GM to ?, regarding a doddering servant at the castle
"He sold down from Human Rank." -- Sol Foster
"He needed the points to buy Advanced Muttering." -- Scott Whitney

"You people..." -- Jennifer Jackson
"Hey, what about those of us who aren't people?" -- Scott Whitney

"I have to keep my wits about me. I might get throw-pillowed." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"Incest pays in Amber." -- Andy Dawson
"If you get caught, it pays with interest." -- Scott Whitney

"Being the Captain of the Guard of the seamy side of town..." -- GM to Hawk
"'re sound asleep and well bribed." -- Scott Whitney

"Three at once!" -- Michael Kucharski, on (Nicholas') plans to duel tonight
"I thought it was three back to back..." -- Sol Foster
"I want to get it done as soon as possible." -- Michael Kucharski

"You know, there were throw pillow size swatches cut out of his clothes, and all his hair was gone." -- Andy Dawson to ?, about a murder

"Sorry, no one wanted to play the forensic pathologist." -- GM
"Scully, after everything you've seen, how can you doubt the existence of the Courts of Chaos?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"All in the same area?" -- Keith, asking about the murders
"All in the suck side of town." -- GM

"You know, your character's Celtic. What your people know as throw pillows, others know as severed heads." -- Andy Dawson to ?

"You've got an infestation of Aztecs!" -- Sol Foster
"Just get a spray for them. They'll be gone in about a week." -- Scott Whitney

"And now I eat the Unicorn! That's my Dworkin moment for the evening." -- GM to ?

"It's half empty! It's half full! It's twice as large as it needs to be!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"He actually needs a pillowmancer." -- Andy Dawson to ?

<Maximillian bows to the Unicorn Church Cardinal, using his index finger as a horn>
"If only that was quotable." -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"There's not a drop of liquor in his house. You've been robbed by prohibitionist redecorators." -- GM to Sean

"Sol, hold the GM like a hostage." -- Scott Whitney to Sol Foster

"They buy most of their wine from us." -- Reggie Bayle
"Theirs must be awful..." -- Dane

"So, do you want to go somewhere later?" -- the entirety of Reginald's first eight attempts at luring off Elyssa after the party

"Didn't you have a girlfriend a week ago?" -- Elyssa
"But that was a whole week ago..." -- Reggie
"Why don't you have her now?" -- Elyssa
"She caught me in bed with someone else." -- Reggie

"I think we ought to know each other better." -- Reggie, still trying to lure off Elyssa
"But I know you Reggie." -- Elyssa
"I mean religiously." -- Reggie
"But I'm not religious..." -- Elyssa
"Neither am I." -- Reggie, smiling

"Care to go out for dinner tomorrow night?" -- Maximillian, after Reggie's failed attempts
"Sure." -- Elyssa

"What was the name of Bloody Thom's before Thom was killed?" -- GM
<various suggestions are made>
"Bloody Sol's! No, wait! Three-eyed Sol's!" -- GM, answering his own question
"Recurring jokes! Gotta love 'em." -- Scott Whitney

"So, you've hired the farm boy to investigate the heinous crime?" -- GM to ?
"It's an absurd crime. Why change the trend now?" -- Scott Whitney
"I guess they need to do some pillow talk." -- Andy Dawson

"No, no. It's bureaucrats. It will be red tape at 30 yards." -- Scott Whitney to ?

"The yard's a crime scene because they didn't mow the lawn? What?!" -- Scott Whitney to ?

"I'm presuming the house is still there?" -- Maximillian
"Actually, I have a funny story about that." -- GM

"My overstuffed chair has had it's head bit off and it's heart torn out. There's stuffing everywhere!" -- Maximillian to ?

"Go check my sofa. See if my throw pillows are missing." -- Maximillian to GM, after discovering a large quantity of imported booze in his home

"Send a servant over to Captain O'Donovan, let him know he misplaced his alcohol in my pantry." -- Maximillian to GM

Ambercon 2001

"We say 'likes' in this game because 'incest' is harder to spell." -- GM to the group

"There are several things you can do to other people that don't involve their consent." -- Scott Whitney
"They usually involve throw pillows." -- Sarah Kindred

"Wear a mask. It helps you." -- Dane to Reggie
"Until you open your mouth." -- Sol Foster

"Anyone in the peanut gallery have any comments to add about Reggie?" -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"They're all too easy." -- Blake Moorcroft
"So is Reggie." -- Sarah Kindred

"Max is a bit of a dilettante, he attends all the best parties, wears the latest fashions, etc." -- Scott Whitney
"Just like Reggie." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Only classier." -- everyone

"My name is Blake, and I'm an alcoholic religious fanatic." -- Blake Moorcroft introducing his character to the group

"(Abigail) resembles an aging but once attractive woman in her mid-forties." -- Sarah Kindred
"Ah, so she's like a fine wine." -- Jeremy Zimmerman
"Yes, she'll leave you on the floor with a headache." -- Sarah Kindred

"Miss Darcy, I have a proposition for you." -- Abigail
"I've tried that line before, and it's never gotten me anywhere." -- Reggie
"And I've already told you, I'd much rather be friends, because I know how many (jewelry) receipts (for your women) I get from you each month, and I don't want to be a receipt." -- Elyssa

"There are some things involving foliage that the church frowns on." -- Morgan to Reggie

"The church has come up with a new term for you: vegiality." -- Morgan to Reggie

"Why are there so many priests in this restaurant?" -- Reggie to Elyssa, during their second date

"Are we all taking turns playing Sol's instrument?" -- Liz Trumitch to the group
"It's fun, but it's a little hard to play because it's so big." -- Sol Foster

"Shhhhh. Dramatic screwing moment." -- Kris Fazzari to the group

"Keith, feel free to make the weird noises." -- GM to Keith

"It's those gnomes, they put nuclear generators into the grapes, that's why Bayle's Piss tastes so bad." -- Dane to the group, hallucinating after being poisoned

"The Bastille has landed. I must storm it to destroy the postman-hamster conspiracy." -- Dane to the group, still hallucinating

"I throw my glove at the gazebo and challenge it to a duel. 'What, you cur! Have at you!'" -- Dane
"OK, so you're currently engaged in a duel to the death with the gazebo." -- GM

"You know, there was this one time when you were sick with that one perfect flu of which all other flus are but Shadows..." -- GM to Sean

"So we're sleeping the sleep of the innocent, or the lucky...or maybe the unlucky." -- Kris Fazzari
"Or the dead." -- Scott Whitney

"No, I'm not really interested in going to where the screaming is." -- Elyssa to GM

"Your follicles are overdrawn. You'll have to come back with me to the toaster for questioning." -- the still hallucinating Dane to Madeline

"I'm on to your wily lamp shade ways." -- Dane
"Your light bulb needs changing." -- Madeline
"Dane begins unscrewing his nose." -- Michael Schloss

"You've been tied up by sailors." -- GM to Dane
"Dane's eyes suddenly widen in horror." -- Michael Schloss

"Two out of three captains destroy Bayle property." -- Blake Moorcroft to the group

AmberCon North 2001

"If I find out my husband is a crazy nuthouse who murders prostitutes, there's going to be an issue." -- Juliana to the group

Ambercon 2002

"I am cute when I have a whip." -- Liz Trumitch to the group

"(Detective Garrett's) partners have a habit of dying nastily, which is why she works alone." -- Sarah Kindred to the group

"(Sean) has weird stuff." -- Sarah Kindred to the group, after hearing how Captain O'Donovan's ship sank due to hitting a reef that wasn't there before

"When the large, buff, black captain is screaming like a girl, it's time to leave the room." -- Liz Trumitch
"I was possessed, God damn it!" -- Sol Foster

"So (Garrett) is casting a spell that will protect us after we're dead." -- Sean to GM

"All of the Feldanes look somewhat alike." -- Max to GM
"That's because of all the incest." -- Jeremy Zimmerman

"I'm Reginald Bayle, I'm never rude. Crass, tactless, but never rude." -- Reggie to the group

"Caine and the north fleet are going to be arriving." -- GM
"Good. I can use the north fleet." -- Juliana

"I've had quite enough to drink." -- Reggie, First Rank Drinker, to the group

Ambercon 2003

"So I'm coming back from sea and I know there's a carnival going on? Can I borrow a pen, I need to figure out what spells I have ready." -- Sean to GM

"I don't want to seem more human, I want to be feared, now go away." -- GM to Sarah Kindred

"Your sister and I rarely see each other." -- Varien to Madeline
"What, do you keep the lights out most of the time?" -- Scott Whitney

"It was hell for Eric to teach (Arryl) how to catch." -- GM
"I do not chase der stick." -- Arryl
"I do." -- DCI Garrett

"Where is my bodyguard! You might want to save me from the drunk horse people." -- Juliana to the group

"Max is icky." -- Garrett, complaining about why she can't get laid
"Only because you smeared me with alcohol." -- Max
"Daubed. Daubed at best, and only because you asked me to." -- Garrett

"I don't sleep on land because it doesn't rock, so I sleep on my ship." -- Wesley
"I can make your house rock." -- Garrett

"I'm going to stay at sea and just have sex with the crew." -- Wesley to Garrett

"Hobart is chased, but not with a 'T'." -- Jennifer Jackson and Sarah Kindred to the group

"Arryl boogies out of here." -- GM
"I don't boogie. I polka." -- Arryl

"Are we a team on this?" -- Garrett
"I know what happens to your partners." -- Max

Ambercon 2004

"As everyone else lies unconscious and bleeding, (Elyssa and Wesley) have lunch." -- Michael Curry to the group

"There's the political angle, there's the fantastic sex, there's the mind-numbing terror...." -- Scott Whitney to the group, on the advantages of getting involved with a member of the royal family

"I think that when I'm lobster red, it's going to be hard to seduce Gérard." -- Juliana to the group

"We like Benedict. He never talks to us." -- Wesley to the group

"I learned a lot while I was unconscious." -- Sean to the group

"This dress is coming off before the night is over." -- Liz Trumitch to the group

"This is not a summoning, it's not about control." -- Garrett to GM, explaining the séance she's about to hold
"We're just saying 'Hi'" -- Elyssa

"This is how I'm going to talk to Philip in the future when he's dead. Put out his alcohol. Sit there and drink." -- Juliana
"This is how you talk to him now!" -- GM

"If Juliana tells you that your sex life is messed up, you are so far beyond fucked up...." -- GM to the group

"The three rules of magic are consent, similarity, and I'm too drunk to remember." -- Garrett to Elyssa, Wesley and Varien

"I have no connection to you." -- Varien
"Well, I could use a secretary." -- Garrett
"I'm sure I could find you one." -- Varien

"Gérard could resist our combined will. A trained ferret could resist our combined will." -- Varien to Wesley

"We stop by the kitchen and bring Arryl a huge breakfast." -- Garrett to GM
"What do you want?" -- Arryl, when she sees the breakfast

"I am expendable." -- Garrett
"Don't I wish!" -- Max

"I care (about Genevieve)." -- Varien to the group
"He's done her." -- Liz Trumitch
"That doesn't mean (he) cares." -- D.J. Quinn

"So the short form is stay alert, trust no one, and keep your laser handy." -- Garrett to the group

September 19, 2004

"Lots of bad things are always happening in Southside." -- GM to Ambrose
"And yet, the Duchess keeps hanging out there." -- Kris
"That's where all the whores are." -- Liz

"You didn't give me your body so much as I just took it." -- O'Donovan to Juliana

"Juliana has more endurance than me?" -- O'Donovan
"Why do you think she's so popular?" -- GM

"Anything happen of note (in your dream)?" -- Eric
"I was unable to send a warning back through space and time, so no." -- Juliana

"Feel free to lie to Gérard. Everyone else does." -- GM to Genevieve

"Honestly? I would have killed me." -- Genevieve to the group

"Am I concussed? Sweet! I hear that will leave a permanent lump on my head to join the many other ones there." -- O'Donovan to GM

"You know, it's a terrible thing when the 2,000-year-old mage is currently the physically toughest in your party." -- Sol to the group

"I think (Gérard's) really far away. Like we're someplace that we didn't want to be." -- Ambrose
"I think we figured that out already." -- Madeline

AmberCon North 2004

"Are all Chris' plots about you having sex with elders?" -- Sean McCabe
"(Juliana does) not sleep around. I don't know why (she has) this reputation of sleeping around!" -- Liz Trumitch to the group
"Because (she) sleeps around?" -- Kris Fazzari

"Eric's just this weenie who's the son of the King." -- Wesley
"That's his Royal Highness." -- GM
"That's his Royal Highness Weenie." -- Wesley
"That's his Royal Weenie." -- Juliana

"John's Son is 6'4" tall and 300 pounds, without the fat." -- Glen Seymour
"So your job is that you're Gérard's stunt double, is that what you do for a living?" -- Bill Gulstad

"The thinking is that Oberon will come back with one of two things - a Queen..." -- GM to the group
"Or a social disease." -- Michael Curry

"(Juliana) talks to a lot of people, and she's been talking to a lot of people for most of her life." -- Liz Trumitch
"That's the problem." -- Kris Fazzari

"What are normal business hours for a pirate?" -- Michael Curry to the group

"Do you have rules against excessive violence?" -- Griz
"Apparently not." -- Wrenn, looking at the excessively beaten body

"We don't consider sex a skill." -- Juliana to the group

"Philip is used to this crap." -- Juliana to the group
"Used to in the sense of resigned to it, maybe." -- Kris Fazzari

"OK, now I have something to do." -- Elissa to the group, after learning that her mother's been murdered

"You live for craziness, Darling." -- Juliana
"With!" -- Philip

October 23, 2004

"(Juliana's) more likely to have sex with the horse than with Varien." -- Liz to the group

"Truth is a three-edged sword - first you cut yourself on it, then you do a blood rune, then everybody dies." -- Ambrose to the group

"(Philip and I) have an agreement about Southside." -- Juliana
"Yeah, he's going to burn it to the ground." -- GM
"Really? I thought we were going to paint it all pink." -- Juliana

"I don't usually blow people up. Usually I just get possessed." -- O'Donovan to the group

"A pretty iron mask is still an iron mask." -- Juliana to the group

"Ambrose looks like he might fall over dead any second. But then again, he often looks like that." -- GM to Madeline

"If Ambrose wants to fuck himself royally, and not in a good way that involves Deirdre or Llewella...." -- GM to Madeline

Ambercon 2005

"I'm Max Feldane, proud father." -- Scott Whitney
"Of what?" -- GM

"Wake me up when I die." -- Ethan to the group

"I have never tasted Max Feldane, so therefore I don't know." -- Wesley to Juliana

"Juliana didn't even succeed in marrying me off in her dreams." -- Jennifer Jackson to the group

"I'm going to need Phillip later, when I get done with the rest of these boys." -- Juliana to GM

"Just spear it and then rotate." -- Ian Ng
"It's a little frozen." -- Liz Trumitch

"This party is dead." -- O'Donovan to the group, at Bishop Morgan's wake

"The happy news is: Bishop Morgan de Chastellan - still dead." -- GM to the group

"I don't want to conjure with (Morgan's body), I just want to set it on fire!" -- Max to the group

"This card entitles you to one act of high treason, submitted by Oberon." -- Scott Whitney to the group

Ill Met in Amber

Counter  Hellriders have passed through here since October 3, 2004.

Done by Kris Fazzari.

Last modified on June 9, 2005 by Kris Fazzari.